So confession, I don't really remember said modesty talks that my mom had with me. BUT I know that we had them and that they occurred practically every time we went clothes shopping from 5th-9th grade.
I was never the jeans and t-shirt type of girl (but oh how grad school can change that!) and I'm sure going shopping for appropriate clothing with 13 year old me was NOT a pleasant trip. I know that I wanted to wear what everyone else was wearing. I wanted to be in the so-called "cool" clothing and always be fashionable and trendy. But my clothing priorities were not my mothers. And I am so very thankful for that. I can't tell you how many times while in the dressing room I heard "that shirt looks pretty low", "don't you think that top is too tight" and "that dress is definitely too short." But I think the thing I heard most often was, "would you want to wear that in front of the church on Sunday." And honestly, I didn't. I knew that the clothing wasn't sending the right message about the type of girl I was....and I definitely didn't want my church to think of me as that type of girl.
[side note: my mom never directed these comments at me, as an attack on my body physically. I never, ever took them that way and I know she never meant them that way either]
I think that so often with modesty and girls, we talk about how what a girl wears is important because of what boys will think about her. And yes, that is a very important aspect of modesty and one that should certainly not be overlooked. But sometimes that can be a slippery slope, especially when all a girl wants is for a boy to pay some attention to her. That's why I think it's important to stress not only the type of boys that dressing a certain way will attract but also how people in general are attracted and will perceive you.
I distinctly remember going shopping for a high school graduation dress. I was 17 years old and with some of my girl-friends looking for the perfect dress to go with my white wedges. I found this super cute halter top dress. It had a pretty low v-neck in the front but the back was pretty okay. My friends really liked it but I remember spending 20 minutes looking at myself in the dressing room mirror and wondering if I should buy it. I tried to justify it by saying that it was going to be really hot day and that I needed a dress like this. But ultimately I just knew that I would be super uncomfortable in it all day long, especially with taking pictures. I later found a dress that I really loved and I'm really glad that I waited for it.
So moral of the story, don't settle. (okay so life lesson there) I'm 23 years old and yes I have a strapless dress or 2 in my closet. And yes I have shorts that are too short for me to wear to church but I definitely wore them to class. But I don't think what my mom was trying to tell me was that I should never wear anything but baggy jeans and sweatshirts. In fact, I know that wasn't what she wanted me to get from her talks. What she wanted me take away was to just double think about what you wear before you wear it (and especially before you buy it). I love buying clothes but I'm pretty picky. I also don't really like shopping with people who don't "get" the way I dress. I'm super aware of how short a dress/skirt is, especially with the addition of heels. I'm also really aware of how a shirt hangs when I bend over. And I really, really try to consider all of this when I'm buying clothes. I think I'm probably a nightmare to shop with if you don't "get" me. Partly because sometimes you can just tell that an outfit isn't going to be appropriate, no matter what and I'm the girl that just isn't going to try it on. Why bother when I know that it just isn't something I want to be seen in, even if it is just in a dressing room.
I think it's totally do-able to dress cute and modestly. I'm so glad that when I was really young my mom just didn't allow me to wear certain things and, as I got older, we talked about the clothes when shopping. This might seem really silly but I want my daughter to consider her clothing choices as much as I have. And I hope that one day she will be able to see the value in appropriate clothing and appreciate it as much as I do.
{Clemson graduation may 2010}
[not the best picture of my mom but we both kind of love it anyways]
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