Parents are always right...right?

My parents have told me many times that I need to find friends who are not married. I always blew this thought off. Sure I had my friends in grad school that I hung out with sometimes but I didn’t really want to be doing stuff with them all the time. I mean I enjoy going out occasionally but not multiple times in a week. Tonight, however, their comment made complete sense. And I really, really wished that I had taken their advice (but I’m not sure what to do with it now).

I think that part of the reason I feel this way right now is due to my general feelings (and completely random bouts of wanting to cry over the smallest little thought). So it’s not like I don’t enjoy my friends who are married and have kids. But I think what my parents were getting at was that ultimately I’m just not at the same point in life as they are. Obviously I knew this and it’s not like I’m going to be having a kid tomorrow and will suddenly be in that stage.

Conversations about babies and pregnancy and marriage don’t bother me. Do I have anything to add; absolutely not. But I think that I can learn subtle things about the early years of marriage from these conversations.

But tonight I just felt so out of place. I’ve felt kinda awkward before but normally only for a minute or two and then I realize that it’s all in my head. Okay this could totally all be in my head too, I mean it probably is. But I just can’t get over the feeling I had when walking to my car and then driving home. I just don’t fit in. And the worst part is, I want what they all have SO BAD. ( it would totally make sense that I would be the girl jealous of a certain stage of life as opposed to a pair of shoes or a purse...typical Staci move right there)

So then I started to wonder what kind of person is constantly surrounding themselves with something they desperately want but have no idea how to obtain it. A crazy person, that’s who! So yup, I guess it’s a official, I’m crazy. I just felt like I was staring up a mountain and have no idea how to get to the top. But then I go back to well who else am I going to hang out with. I mean I just so wasn’t the typical college student at all so I don’t have a ton of great friendships. And some of the people I would just randomly call (okay text) aren’t in the area anymore. And I'm not sure who I would even talk to this about. I don't really think I want to talk about it, but i'm also not sure that I need to have 15 million different blog posts all about the same general topics...I mean why beat a dead horse. 

If your next thought is to not do anything with them, that’s also not a great idea. Honestly, I need the social interaction. Even if I don’t say much (or anything) and I’m just the awkward girl sitting there, at least I’m not just sitting alone with my thoughts all night. (okay seriously that sounded WAY more depressing than I want it too, I swear I’m just a little sad, nothing more!) I just wish that I occasionally had some dinner/whatever plans where everything I wanted wasn’t staring me in the face. (okay again way more depressed than I want it to sound, like I seriously swear I’m totally okay!) I like being part of a group and being included. I'm not sure if you've picked up on this yet or not but I'm not the most social person, especially at first. I really like planning events and being social once I've (really) gotten to know you. But to just go up to someone and randomly start talking...that so totally is NOT ME. But that doesn't mean I just want to sit at home every night (nor do I really need too) To hopefully not change subjects too much, I feel like that happened to me more in the past year than I was comfortable with. It seemed like just because I wasn't okay with getting totally wasted, I wouldn't want to go to dinner before hand. But that's another story...and one that I just summed up quite nicely and I'm pretty sure no one really wants to read a post on that subject.

So basically I’m a little crazy and I feel like my emotions are slightly out of control. My life has seemed so unlike my life recently...AND I HATE IT…but I guess I’m just going with there being some great reason for this. Something I can’t see right now but will eventually all make sense. Maybe one day I’ll reread this post and everything will just click for me. I’ll admit, that’s one of the things I’m excited about. Seeing how much I’ll grow and change and how God can use my current feelings/emotions/thoughts for growth and how cool it will be to reread and realize that in a few months/years. So silver lining in all this,  most definitely! (and until then i'll just enjoy my food and the funny conversations and remember this is just a season, life totally goes on)

{written Tuesday evening, I was still a little emotional but i figured i should post my true feelings, rereading this makes me think maybe i should get a private blog or an actual journal (or that anyone who reads this is going to think i'm crazy/unstable but i promise i'm not....just a "normal" 23 year old girl...so here it is until i decide to do something else}


oh and i promise this is the end of the sad posts from Staci...I'm just going to move on...I mean life is tough, I think I need to invest in a good helmet.


edited to add: I'm pretty sure today is going to be a good day. I just have a peaceful feeling about today. Maybe my crazy emotions decided to finally balance themselves out. Or maybe it's a God thing :)