What a year...

today Jackson and Riggs turn one.

and what a crazy year its been.

it's seriously crazy how much i remember about this day one year ago. i know exactly what i was wearing and everything. one year ago today, i took the first part of the cpa exam and began a crazy adventure.

Jackson and Riggs also decided to make an appearance. two random events that have both had such an impact on my life this past year and will forever be tied together in my mind.

if you would have told me a year ago that i wouldn't have a job in accounting yet i probably would have cried and seriously freaked out. and okay i would definitely love an accounting job. and i promise that i'm working on it. but i also wouldn't have believed you when you told me that i would be lucky enough to spend my days with Jackson and Riggs.

i feel like now would be a good time to admit that when i found out that Cindy was pregnant that her kid(s) i was (slightly because i'm not crazy or anything) worried that they would have no idea who i was. and all babies need a cool auntie staci

so i'm continually amazed at how everything has worked out. and i seriously hope the twins know who i am...i mean i do dress them in awesome outfits and let them climb all over me as if i am a human jungle gym.

 so while i'm still on the hunt for a job where i can use my degrees, i'm so thankful that i get to spend my days with the babies until that happens.

i thought about writing each of the twins a letter...full of awesome advice and cool stories but i haven't yet. i still think i'll end up doing it. and i might even post it here...or maybe i'll just include it in their birthday cards...which i'm still in the process of picking out, much less even writing in them. but regardless of if they get the awesome letter today or in 2 years, i think they'll always know that they can always come to me with whatever. and i'm kind of super excited for the first time they say staci...or some variation of my name. 

so happy birthday to my favorite twins...i can't wait to see what happens this next year!

dating vs. courting

i was watching 19 kids and counting a few weeks ago and heard an interesting statement. i don't remember it word for word but basically one of the older duggar girls was talking about the difference between dating and courting. as i remember, the big difference (to the duggar's) is that with dating the focus is on intimacy while with courting the focus is on deciding whether they would be suitable to marry...or something to that effect. basically i just remember sitting on the couch thinking that if the only differences were the ones just described then i think i'd rather be courted. which sounds so 19th century and completely out of the question in current society. and it's not like i'd want all physical conduct off the table, just certain things. and i don't really think i'd want that to be the main point of my relationship with the boy anyways. 
i've talked here before about how i don't think i'll ever be the girl who dates just to date. i mean i'm 23 and have had no desire for that so i seriously doubt i'll change how i feel. i mean it's not like i want to talk about marriage on the first date (cause i'm pretty sure that would just scare the boy away) but if after a while (and i'm talking like 3-4 dates) one (or both) of us thinks that there isn't any longterm potential then why would we continue? i'm not saying that i'd never talk to him again but why keep dating? i think i'm pretty sure i know what i want (or at least the general things i want) and i'm even more sure that i know what i don't want. and continuing a relationship with the hopes to change things about someone is a bad idea (or so i've heard)...
so if courting is really just dating without [a lot] of the intimacy that typically is associated with dating in today's society and with the intent to marry,  then bring on the courtship i say! i have another blog post planned where i talk about the whole physical aspect of dating (and how it kind of terrifies me/freaks me out) so if being courted means less touching and more talk of ring shopping then sign me up...seriously.

questions from looking in a dressing room mirror...

so a weekend or two ago while i was shopping and in the dressing room with the awesome mirror that shows 80 million of you i had this sudden thought, one that i've had before on occasion when i think i'm having an awesome hair day or i love my outfit. i thought that hey, i'm kind of cute and i don't have anything that screams to a guy that he should run in the opposite direction...so then i started to think about why i'm single...and what was wrong with me. because obviously something has to be. and i promise this isn't going to be some super sad post. i can honestly promise that 97% of the time i am not thinking about the whole single thing at all. but every once in a while it just hits me...and it hits me in the most random of ways. and then, then it kind of hurts. 


don't worry, i didn't go back to my dressing room and break down crying. instead, i just smiled. i mean i'm only 23. i'm going to be completely fine [scratch that, i AM completely fine]. i'm happy and content with my life, why worry about something that i can't control. 


but these same questions play a {big} role in why i'm kind of scared to actually meet & date someone. if it doesn't work out and he is the one to end things, i know i'll go right back to these same questions. and confession time, i may have considered online dating. i mean where am i going to meet someone who has any (or more importantly most/all) of the qualities that i'm looking for. i'm definitely not trying to limit God and his ability to bring me and the boy together...but i'm also a realist who knows that he isn't just going to appear at the door one day. i mean that would be so awesome but it's not happening (well never say never but seriously people). also, i'm kind of scared to put myself out there like that. what if no one is interested. online dating has always been this back-up idea that has been in the back of my head. if i actually try it and don't succeed then what am i going to do?


but seriously i'm really okay. i just wanted to put this out there...but if you have suggestions on what i should do..totally willing to listen :)

my college experience [church-wise]

so i vaguely mentioned in a previous post that my church experience during college was one of my biggest regrets so far. and i'm sure you read that part and thought "seriously, now i know she's crazy" and well maybe i am. but i don't really have any regrets from college...except church. so maybe i should count myself lucky in that respect. but i do kind of feel cheated. not to beat a dead horse but i think i that i just had really unrealistic expectations of the kinds of relationships you build through church. i mean i went to church...and i went all the freaking time but things just never really clicked for me.
so fall of my freshman year i started attending a college church. i was so excited. i mean this church was so different than the one i had grown up in and i loved that. i loved that it was my choice to go and that there were so many different types of people there. but there was no one else my age (well no other freshmen) and i think that should have been my first sign. i've always gotten along well with older people but everyone already had their group of friends...and i never really found mine. at least not the first year. however by the end of my sophomore year i was beginning to (finally) create some friendships.
my junior year was much better but it was pretty much just a social year. which was fine. looking back on that year, it was fun but there was no real spiritual growth or connection. we always had a girls group but it was pretty shallow when i think about it now. but i don't know if i would have wanted something deep. i mean talking about the important stuff isn't easy. and it really takes a special leader and group for a great girls group to happen. and i don't think i ever experienced that while at college. i mean i never really talked about fears or the what-ifs in life, i mean we never got real with each other. we did such generic topics and i so wish we had done something that could have provoked the deep stuff. there was a little bit of drama with the girls group (which didn't help anything) but ultimately i think that we could never get the right topic with the right people to happen. so the deep & real relationships didn't happen. and i really regret not looking outside of the church i was attending to find a bible study that more fit my desires. (i think this is also a slight fear i have right now...i would just really like to attend a ladies bible study that wasn't for women of all ages...cause i don't really think that the 65 year old lady who has been married for 40 years can relate to me as well as someone who is 25...but anyways)
by my senior year i was freaked out that i hadn't met the boy and that i had no idea what i was going to do with my life (and 2+ years later i'm still in the same boat...ironic maybe?) so i was kinda stressed. and i was "working" at the church very, very part-time. i think around this point i just wanted a reason to no longer go. i was so just going for the social aspect and because going to church is what you do. this year was when i started struggling the most with the whole "where do i belong" thing. i was so, so stressed about what to do with my life. senior year is really a blur when i think about church. for the first time i really, really needed & missed my close girl-friends. i think it really hit me when i was at a college retreat and even though i had been before, i was totally expecting it to be like the retreats from high school. and it just wasn't. AT ALL. mainly because when i needed to talk to someone about how scared i was of failing, of letting people down & of being alone (you know, basic life thoughts) i didn't feel like i had anyone. i mean i wanted someone who was going through it too. (and maybe i just expected too much?!) so i ended up crying in a bathroom at gulfcoast. not one of my proudest moments but it was real. and then a few weeks later i got into grad school and things kind of calmed down. at least i would have another year to figure things out (and i'll let you know when i actually do that). {i honestly just knew that i was going to meet the boy in grad school...after all that had to be why i got in...again i might be crazy}
so i graduated undergrad and started grad school.  i decided to go to another church near campus. it was a complete 180 from the church i grew up in. and for about 3 weeks that was super cool. then it wasn't. but i still went, because that's what you do. there were no other college students really there but there were some young married couples that i already knew. i'm not going to lie, a reason i was so willing to try something different was that i was hoping i could develop some friendships with these people. however that didn't pan out, partly because while they may have been young married couples only a few years older than me, they acted about 12. and i think that they kind of looked down on me because i was still in college (grad school people) and i was younger than they were & not married. and for whatever reason it was kind of a crappy year church wise. (and i totally know my attitude played a role in this) i was uncomfortable while in church, scared that i was going to do something that would be frowned upon (like clap) and most of the time i ended up at lunch alone because the couples all went together and i obviously wasn't cool enough to be invited. and okay so that sounds bitter but i promise i'm not. they really are not the type of people i want to be friends with but it still hurt that they didn't want to include me. i mean i am only human after all. 
and looking back on this time (and maybe i'm just being a little dramatic) but i think that this somewhat explains how i feel now. like i really don't want to be this huge burden on your life or anything but i think i'm a pretty cool and fun person (yeah obviously lame if i say that about myself, i know) but you know, maybe it's just too much for you to include me. and hey, this is why i need single friends...people who maybe sometimes feel the same way & that don't have a husband/wife/family to eat with.
so here we are, up to where i'm currently going to church. i like it. a lot. maybe because it's a lot like the church i grew up in and that makes me happy. maybe it's because i think i'm finally making my own friends...kind of. i do wish that there were some single people there but again i'm just hanging out with the married people & their kids. i don't really know where i'll end up getting a permanent job at so i haven't really let myself fully accept that this church could be the first church i attend as a "real" adult..or that could be a church in another state completely. i guess i'll just have to wait and see where i end up. but hopefully, wherever that is, it will be at a great church. because i now know how important a great church is. and i won't be making that mistake again.
**i've had this blog post written for almost a week and i've hesitated to post it. but i really feel like i should. i am definitely not trying to tell anyone that they should stop attending church if they don't like it because one day they will regret going. what i regret is that i was complacent and didn't look to see what else the world had to offer me. maybe i just took the easy road and that's what i regret. as i've said before, some of the very best relationships i have were built through church. and i want nothing more than for my children to love going to church as much as i have and for them to have those same relationships. i was careful to not mention where i was attending church because that's not the important part of the story. 

made my day

i saw this on pinterest and loved it (here is my board where it is pinned)

definitely laughed out loud at this one...also does Siri work this well for anyone in real life? (here)

obviously i relate to this (here)

while this is slightly more serious than the first three, i'm sort of in love with this saying...and i want to put this in my (future) daughter's room...just so she doesn't forget it! (here)

high five for friday!

i found lauren's link-up high five for friday through melissa's blog last week. so here are my five favorite things from this past week!


(1) i am obsessed with the iphone app viggle. basically you just check into tv shows and earn points for watching tv. you can earn extra points for watching certain prime-time shows and then redeem your points for gift cards. i mean getting free stuff for watching tv...maybe i can totally have that as my career...if there is ever a way to earn free stuff by pinning items then i'm totally set!

(2) new nail polish from ulta...serious love affair! the color (which is fine pruned if your interested) is just perfect for me and i love that it has a matte finish. if you like dark/funky nail polish i definitely recommend this color...while it isn't super dark i think it's super appropriate for this time of the year (however i'll still be wearing it come june...)

(3) cherry coke! i have always LOVED cherry coke but it can be kind of hard to find...and you can't get it at most restaurants. since i'm in pretty deep with studying for REG (my last section to the CPA exam) i figured i needed some comfort foods...and cherry coke definitely qualifies. i remember getting one (or 4) a day while spending hours studying in sirrine...so so so happy that cherry coke is back in my life!

(4) while wondering around target this past weekend i implusively bought a blue scar/wrap/pashmina thing. i am so not the girl who normally wears this type of thing...however i really like it. i ordered another one from kohls this past week and i'm super excited for it to get here (online shopping another weakness...especially when i can get free shipping....anyways) i'm excited to work these pieces into more of my outfits

(5) i finished all the becker cpa review videos for the regulation section and all the homework too! now just to work some more multiple choice problems and take a practice test (maybe?)...oh and definitely work on those simulations. i'm taking the exam on wednesday and it will be the third time i've taken this section (but third time is totally the charm)...plus i already feel way more prepared than i did last time and i still have a few more days of awesome studying left! i really will be so happy to be finished with this exam (whenever that happens). plus someone is totally going to want to hire a person who has already passed all 4 parts and knows that even while it's not the coolest career ever, it's kind of the perfect job for me.

i wish i had a reason to...

make this quilt

i had a lot of fun sewing twins' quilts and this one is so simple that it wouldn't take that long...plus there's something about a finished quilt that is quite satisfying!

buy this dress

if you were to sum up staci in a dress i'm pretty sure it would be this one...and how adorable would it be with leggings and boots

bake these

but then i'd end up eating them all and that's probably not a great idea

go get one of these

cherry limeades are so yummy...and make me think of summer...but again i don't really need it!

quotable:captivating

"We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." {page 17}


"The first and greatest of all commands is to love him (Mark 12:29-20, Matt. 22:36-38). He wants us to love him. To seek him with all our hearts. A woman longs to be sought after, too, with the whole heart of her pursuer. God longs to be desired. Just as a woman longs to be desired. This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of a woman, that deep yearning to be desired." {page 29}


"...we cannot talk about loving a man well-whoever he might be in your life-until we see that we cannot look to him for things he cannot give. We cannot love Adam while we are looking for him to validate us. It will usher in too much fear. If he's the verdict on us as a woman, we won't be able to truly and freely offer him our beauty." {page 153}


"The nurturing of life is a high and holy calling. And as a woman, it is yours. Yes, it takes many shapes and has a myriad of faces. Yes, men are called to this as well. But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman's soul-the calling to mother." {page 177}


"You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus...And you are needed." {page 217}


"Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself; and then, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love." {page 217}


[Captivating  is written by John and Stasi Eldredge]

bringing pretty back

[article can be found here]


i saw this article mentioned on another blog and i'm so glad that i clicked the link to read. it does such a great job of putting a lot of my rambling thoughts and ideas into actual, coherent words. i've written about modesty and purity and all that good stuff before. and while that is not the focus of this article, it's all related. but i'll try and keep this post to the article specifically. (note, i kind of fail at this)
i think this article is so relevant today. i love that pretty (for this specific author) is defined as a combination of beauty and innocence. i pretty much want to just copy and paste every word from this article. i love love love the part about projecting innocence and how that inspires men to protect and defend it. captivating does such a great job of delving into this particular topic and lady in waiting even has a chapter or two as well. those books have really encouraged me to not only embrace my innocence but to desire a boy who will protect and defend it. 
and now it is time for "is this too real aka should i really even write this down, much less actually blog this idea/question?!?" it has on occasion (okay multiple occasions) crossed my mind that what if the boy doesn't really care how innocent i am, like what if it's just no big deal. and then i realize that obviously he wouldn't be THE boy if that's how he felt. but then i go down the whole road of what if my expectations are too high? and then i think about how i really can't imagine making out with random boys each night, much less doing anything else so we're pretty much back to square one now. and maybe sometimes i even wonder if there are any cute, ambitious boys out there who would not only understand innocence but want to protect and cherish it. but, at the end of the day, the thought of doing something to tarnish that innocence just isn't an option. so i guess the boy will just have to make an appearance at some point. 
and back to the article...hotness is just a commodity. i, again, love how this article differentiates between being hot and being pretty. to say that hotness is a commodity brings a smile to my face and i like that the movie grease is referenced. i remember watching this movie when i was in 4th or 5th grade. i liked the music a lot. but i remember, even when i was that young, being slightly confused as to what was wrong with Sandra Dee? obviously she was pretty but why did she have to change to get her boy. obviously as i got older, i understood more aspects of the movie but that message has always bothered me. and i'm glad to see it addressed here. what kind of message is that sending that in order to get a guy you need to change who are you, and the changes really are not for the better. 
and again with should i actually post this or not...so, while i went through that awkward stage in middle school that everyone goes through, i rebounded from it pretty well..mentally i mean. i don't wake up every morning and look in the mirror and hate what i see. i mean, sure some days i really like my hair and other days i wish i was a little tanner but nothing major. but naturally it enters a girls mind that maybe she just isn't pretty (or hot) enough to ever find someone. like maybe if i was a little more this, or a little less that then i would have already found the boy. it's kind of hard when you go out and the girls you're with attract all sorts of attention from guys. but then, once i evaluate the situation and am truly honest with myself, i realize that i don't really want that kind of attention. i mean everyone likes to feel attractive and desired but ultimately i have a deeper want. and really, that's perfectly fine. this also makes me wonder where i'm supposed to find the boy at? i would never say that anything is impossible, after all God does like to use the unlikely situations to show his power, but is it really that likely that i'm going to stumble upon the boy at a bar? i personally don't think so but i'm clearly not in control of this story. i realize that church would be a likely place to meet the boy, but i'm not going from church to church just in hopes of finding him. i really do believe that God does not desire that. and i'd like to be pursued by the boy, not the other way around (but boy is that another blog post completely) so to sum up this somewhat random tangent, i like the distinction between being hot and pretty...because most of the time i never think of myself as hot...but i'd much rather be in the pretty boat anyways.
the line that nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl, kind of makes me want to cry. and even more so, it makes me want to cry for all the little girls out there who need good women role models and people to tell them that it's okay to be the good girl. it's not always an easy path but it is definitely the right one. and i'm still on that path but it's not one that i regret. and i know that i won't ever regret it, no matter what ends up happening. i really can't explain how much i just want to tell all the girls in middle and high school that it's worth it to be labeled the good girl. (and again with the honesty, i wonder if those girls would even want to hear that from me. it's not like i have this "successful story" to tell them. i mean i'm still looking for the boy.) i know without a doubt that this is one message i will pound into my daughter(s)...you know, the ones i don't have yet with the boy i haven't met yet but i may be planning her wardrobe vicariously through a certain little girl already. [definitely a story for another day] 
i think this article should be shared with girls everywhere. but especially those girls who are trying to be pretty but sometimes wonder if it's even worth it. because girls, it totally is. i really never thought that one of my passions would be for girls in middle and high school but i think that it totally is. i just think that's such an impressionable age. and maybe it's because i loved it when the "young women" of the church did stuff with us when i was that age. i loved being in their class or just talking with them after church on a Sunday. and maybe, if the cycle continues, one day my little girl will have "young women" in her life who encourage her to bring pretty back and be the good girl.

it's a new year

i have never really made any resolutions...but i do love a good list and being able to mark things off of said list. so in honor of the new year and all of the resolutions being made, i decided to post a few of the things that appear on my "big life list" for 2012. hopefully i can be marking some of these items off sooner rather than later. other items are not really things that can be marked off but just things i want to be more consistent about in 2012.

• find a job in public accounting---i've had my graduate degree since August and i should probably put it to use sometime soon...however i will be really sad to end my days with the twins
• finish the CPA exam---i only have one section left and i know that i can pass it, i just need to buckle down and focus on it.
• get engaged---okay so i'm kidding (slightly) with this one. i would like for 2012 to be the year that sees some major advancements on this front...but we shall see what happens
• get more organized---so this can truly happen once i have my own place and can finally have all my stuff in one place...as opposed to 3 different places
• be more diligent in with my journal---i know i go through cycles of journaling but i'd really like for this year to be the year that i fill the journal up...even if it's with all kinds of randomness
• be better with sending people random cards and such---i may hate the post office but i love getting unexpected mail so i'm assuming others do as well
• be nicer---as unbelievable as this may sound, i sometimes have a mean side. i think that if i can look at (some) things with a more positive outlook then i will only be happier (but i can't give up the sometimes not-so-nice sarcasm all the time...or else i wouldn't be me)
• be involved---this applies to pretty much all aspects of my life...be more involved in the lives of my parents and with jonathan and nealee...work on being more involved with my friends...and on making new friends...and (once i'm working) involved at work...and at church...and with outreach activities...this goal will definitely be a year-long work in progress

i'll be sure to give updates on the "big life list" as things progress this year. maybe by putting this out there, i'll be better at actually working on some of these things (aka being nicer...and more involved)

lady of purity

i feel the need to preface this chapter. i almost skipped it when i was reading the book. and honestly, even rereading it just now i was definitely thinking "well i'd never do that." so those thoughts may come through as i'm writing my thoughts out for this chapter. i will be the first to admit that it's really easy to make the "right" choices concerning purity when your not in a serious relationship. i know with 100% confidence that once i'm in a relationship with the boy that i'll need to revisit this chapter full-force as well as other books i have on the same topic. and i'm completely okay with that. but for now the thoughts will be coming from the 23 year old who isn't in the serious relationship and doesn't understand the idea of just casually dating someone (much less the idea of casual sex). 

4 consequences of having sex before marriage are discussed in this chapter. they are physical, emotional, relational and spiritual. 

my favorite line from the physical section is "she didn't want to seem "different" in front of her date." i feel like one of my biggest fears is summed up into that one sentence. i don't want to be seen as different or weird just because of my beliefs. i especially don't want people that i fellowship and worship with thinking that my belief on premarital sex is so strange and out-there. i remember a conversation that i had with 2 of my friends that i met at church while in college. by the time i left dinner i kind of couldn't believe that these were my "church girl friends". i mean it's one thing for random people to have such ideals but really, the people i'm going to church with?! i think i was just shocked and, looking back on the conversation, i never really said where i stood on the topic. there is a part of me that wonders if they honestly couldn't just figure it out. i mean i don't exactly scream crazy or anything. i will say that this conversation did leave me with the realization that now i no longer had to be concerned with just random people thinking i was weird but church friends might too. and really, i just think that is plain sad.
the topic of modesty usually comes to mind whenever purity is being discussed. i written a post on modesty here before and why i'm really glad that my mother did the things that she did. i think that sometimes a lot of pressure and importance is put on the whole "just don't have sex" concept. while that is certainly a valid and true point, there is so much more to purity. and i think that a lot of this can be brought back to modesty, and specifically the way in which a girl dresses. like i said, i've written on modesty before but just to revisit, being modest doesn't mean that you only wear a burlap sack and no make-up. i think that your attitude and intention about the clothes you wear and how you present yourself is pretty key in the modesty concept. of course there is a lot more to purity than just being modest but i think that when modesty can be a concept that a girl is comfortable with then the whole purity thing might make a little more sense to her as well. 

so i guess i really don't have much to say about this chapter [yet]. and i know that will all change one day (maybe one day soon). i also know that maybe i have unrealistic expectations of the boy and the leadership he'll bring to relationship [which might come up later in this book...or maybe this idea came from another book or bible study...so maybe one day i'll explain this in a little more detail]. and right now, i'm okay with that. i'd much rather be where i am than on the other side of the fence regretting my choices. i know i've sorta mentioned it before, the idea that if i behaved in a different way or did something different, then maybe i would have found the boy by now. and sure, there are a few minor choices i could have made differently. but the whole purity thing, well that's one area where i'm completely okay with my choices so far. and, as uncommon and uncool as they may appear, that's really okay with me. and i will totally say that having classes on this topic throughout high school youth group as well as the greatest friends ever really helped solidify this idea.

lady of devotion

obviously a major point of lady in waiting is that while single, a woman should be developing her relationship with Christ. chapter 5 is about becoming a lady of devotion. i feel like this chapter is pretty heavy on the idea of developing your relationship with Christ. 

"Much too often people view a single woman as thought she should be pitied rather than envied. Nothing could be further from the truth. A Lady in Waiting has the advantage of being able to develop her love relationship with Christ without the distractions that a husband or family inherently bring to one's heart." (page 65)

while this idea has been discussed heavily in the previous chapters already, i like how this time the focus is on how other's view the single person. it is so hard for me to imagine that i'll one day be envious of my status now. like that kind of blows my mind. or that someone out there with a husband/family could be envious of me. i like how the above excerpt also mentions that we shouldn't be pitied. i don't think that anyone really pities me and i'm pretty happy about that. i mean i obviously am aware of my current singleness and i don't really need to be reminded of it every time i talk to you. so i'm glad i don't have anyone who wants to have a pity party for me every time they see me. 

"As a woman, you have been created with a desire to be known-not just in a physical or general way, but deeply known and intimately loved. If you are hoping a man will one day fill your heart's desire for intimacy, you will be disappointed. God knows your deep longings for intimate love. Only He, the Lover of your soul, can fill this need completely. Your heavenly Father tenderly created you with needs that only God can fully understand and fulfill. As you come to know who He really is, He will meet your needs for love." (page 67-68)

serious confession time: i have a really hard time with the above passage. i know i'm not in any place to judge anyone's relationship with God. but honestly i occasionally (or quite frequently) feel like there are a ton of girls out there who have a minor (if any) relationship with God. However these girls meet nice boys, get married and start families. and i know that i obviously know nothing about their relationship with God and know very little about their marriages and family life. but it's just hard for me to believe that every woman who doesn't have a deep and intimate relationship with God feels unfulfilled. the passage also makes me wonder why i have to wait and develop this deep love with God while it seems like everyone other girl is getting to meet some boy. and it's not like i can't see how much better off i'll be because of my relationship with God. and, in turn, how much my marriage and children will benefit from it. i guess it really just all boils down to that fact that instead of the people in relationships being envious of my singleness, i'm totally envious of them.

i don't really have much else to say about this chapter. it was fairly short and straight to the point. i know that i really need to work on developing and continuing a deep, intimate relationship with God. it's always good to have a reminder of this and honestly, out of all the things for me to work on, i mean it's certainly not going to hurt anything :)

*so i was pretty honest here and it's obviously not all rainbows and sunshine but that's why i like this book so much. it makes me re-evalute where i think i am...and it reminds me of what's truly important and that eventually i'll be able to look back on this time (and maybe even this blog post) and realize how everything ended up fitting together so perfectly!

my most loved journal

so i was looking through the journal that i'm in the process of writing in, in hopes of one day (maybe....if i can work up the courage to do it) giving it to the man i marry. i'm not gonna lie, it kind of terrifies me to think about someone else (especially him!) ever reading this entire journal (or journals if i end up with multiple books) so we'll have to see about that one. 
anyways, as i was looking through this journal, i found where i had written down a list of my "what-ifs" from the summer of 2009...and every single one of these "what-ifs" still completely apply to my life. and that kind of scares me to death. and then i try to think how it's funny that the 'big things' don't really change. and that these will always be my big "what-ifs" in my life. sure, some of them can be checked off if/when they happen but then others will replace them. and that's just life
it's also amusing (and slightly scary) how much i feel like my feelings just cycle through life. i have a few entries that sound eerily similar to my crazy emotional posts from almost 2 months ago. 
but then i'll read an entry where i talk about how i just painted my nails black to match my church outfit and how much i love the cherry 7up i was currently drinking. (side note: definitely obsessed with that drink for like all of my senior year...obsessed) so don't think this journal is so depressing and crazy that no one wold every want to read it. i actually find it to be quite funny to read at times. 
and ultimately i know (okay so i'm like 82% sure) that i'll end up giving this to the boy. and honestly that makes me really happy. writing (and rereading) each entry just gives me hope that someday someone else WILL get to read this...and he'll already know i'm kind of crazy so no worries there :)


[obviously i would really, really encourage young ladies to start doing this. i obviously have no idea how it will go over but i just think that ultimately the right guy would seriously treasure this book. even if you only write about the super cute new heels you just bought!]

lady of reckless abandonment

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a woman's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

(page 13)

Ruth is frequently mentioned throughout the book and in this chapter three areas of her life are examined. these areas were affected when she recklessly abandoned her life to God. 

new friends: "you mirror those who influence you" (page 17) find people who will encourage your want to be a dedicated single woman, not those who undermine or criticize your drive. mediocre or non-christians might not understand your desire for a deep commitment but remember that who you spend your time with can (and will) affect your relationship with Jesus. 

new surroundings: "part of reckless abandonment is realizing how much our culture has affected our behavior patterns you want to be Christlike, but your lifestyle is a reflections of Vogue magazine or Cosmopolitan rather than a new creation in Christ. A.W. Tozer said, "a whole new generation of Christians has come up believing that it is possible to 'accept' Christ without forsaking the world." Ruth had to forsake the familiar and comfortable in order to receive God's best for her life." (page 18)

new faith: develop a deep relationship with Jesus, not just meaningless rituals, create a vital love relationship with Jesus

[the missing puzzle piece]

hint: it's not Mr. Right...and it's not a dream career or even motherhood

you can never be fully satisfied until you truly understand that you are complete in God

important note: the incompleteness and feeling of being unsatisfied is not due to being single but instead not being full of Jesus---so if two incomplete singles are married, they are not suddenly both complete. and a woman who is not complete in Jesus and gets married will then be a drain on her husband. a woman cannot expect her husband to fill the space that only Jesus can.

and for a closing thought, a good goal for every day really...

"Choose right now to put mediocrity behind you; courageously determine to pursue Jesus with your whole heart, soul, and mind. As a single woman, this is the perfect moment to establish a radical relationship with Jesus and remove any tokenism from your Christian walk."

(page 22)

Lady in Waiting (take one)

[i'm trying to find blog-worthy events but that seems to be a slightly daunting task. in the mean time i'll be writing about some of my favorite books/bible studies. today will be part one (of many, i'm sure) from Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones)


i started reading lady in waiting during my senior year of college, so about two years ago. i can honestly say that it is one of my favorite books (like we are talking top 5 books and favorite bible study). okay so i've only used lady in waiting as an individual study. i think it would be a fantastic small group study book but i'd also have some reservations. i'm sure i'll talk more about this throughout this walk with lady in waiting but basically this book is very real and honest. i'd have to be in just the right small group for it to be an effective study for me (i think). 


anyways, i thought i would start out with an overview of the book. the full title is lady in waiting, becoming God's best while waiting for Mr. Right. each chapter is about a different lady, for example a lady of diligence, a lady of virtue and a lady of security. while i have read the entire book multiple times, there are definite chapters that i have read very frequently, depending on my current mood. i'm thinking that i might talk about each chapter individually. so this might get to be a little tedious but we'll see how it goes. 


the preface begins by stating that this isn't just another book for singles because it focuses on the state of a woman's heart, not her status. one of the hardest (but also greatest and truest) points made in the book is that the ache in your heart isn't really for a man, that getting married and having kids (following the "script") won't make everything okay. the longing can only be satisfied by Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom. 


i mean i know i've heard that idea/concept many times before. but i don't think it ever really clicked for me until reading this book. i can't explain why that is, but i'm glad that it finally did click. i think that's one reason i can reread this book and still enjoy it so. i NEED to be reminded that meeting someone and getting married isn't going to just make everything okay (not that everything isn't okay right now). so that's my message for today. and i think it could be my message everyday

odds of your name appearing in a commercial for McDonald's...

Wordless Wednesday [a blast from the past]

25 things about me

on facebook a few years ago (february 13 of 2009 to be exact) i jumped on the bandwagon and wrote a note of 25 things about me...and it recently appeared on the side of my facebook again. I really enjoyed reading them and thought I'd post them here...and add a few comments about things that have (or haven't) changed since then

(also I was in the spring of my junior year at Clemson at this time)

1. I'm easily addicted to teenage drama television shows....just to name a few: The O.C., One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl....
*i've moved along to different, but still smut, television shows. I now enjoy the real housewives of where   ever & most eligible dallas but I've upgraded and now watch How I Met your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and lots of others
2. I eat at Moe's 2-3 times a week while at Clemson but the idea of eating at Moe's while not at Clemson does not appeal to me at all.

*i don't eat at Moe's that often anymore, mostly because I'm not in Clemson. But I will always remember all the time I spent at the Moe's in Clemson

3. I'm very O.C.D. about random things.
*very true 
4. I really enjoy cleaning, especially the kitchen.
*still love cleaning and honestly I'd rather just clean the kitchen myself because I'm pretty sure that your way isn't sufficient for me...

5. Black and Brown are never okay to wear together.
 *duh-some things will NEVER be okay
6. There was a phase in my life where sheep were really important and if we ever sang the song 'I am a Sheep' at church I had to leave the room.
7. I love happy hour at Sonic....diet coke with cranberry is my current favorite.
 *.99 drinks early in the morning were clutch with Becker and studying for the CPA exam. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it without Sonic!
8. I really like cooking and especially baking but I rarely eat what I bake....

*still true, i miss having groups of people to bake for
9. My closet was organized by color all throughout high school and I can't wait for larger closet so I can so that again...in fact I'm probably gonna try as soon as I get done with this.
 *one of the things I'm most excited about in my new apartment (which will happen once I get a job) is organizing my closet....seriously like I can't WAIT!
10. I love Sharpies and have a jar of them on my desk...and a lot more in a box on my desk...

*my love of sharpies is still going strong
11. I've started going to the gym this year and I am really surprised that I have stuck with it for this long.
 *the gym lasted until March maybe...and it hasn't started back yet...one day...maybe when I have kids to take on a walk or something
12. I'm currently obsessed with tights....my favorite pair are hot pink....

 *still obsessed with tights...best thing about it getting colder is I get to pull out my box of tights
13. When the weather is nice outside and I'm walking around on campus I'm reminded of why I love Clemson...not that I ever forget...
14. I really want a tattoo but can't decide on the what and where of it....
*nope, I no longer have any desire to get a tattoo...AT ALL
15. I can't wait to get my class ring....April!
*i love wearing my Clemson ring and if I forget to wear it one day, I feel really awkward and wrong
16. I have random pieces of Rachael Ray cookware and can't wait until I can buy the entire set.
*got a complete set of cookware for undergrad graduation...and i LOVE it!! 
17. I sometimes worry that I won't be able to find a job when I graduate...next May....
*I pretty much always worry that 23 year old me with a Masters won't be able to find a job....
18. I had a pretty great childhood, which I definitely did not appreciate enough at the time.
19. I love Christmas time because wrapping gifts is one of my all time favorite things to do.
*gift wrapping = love (pinterest will only make this even better!)
20. I really enjoy reading The Message Remix version of the Bible but I don't take it to church because it's hard to read out loud in class due to the way the verses are split up.
21. I have a lot of music (mostly random) in itunes that I have never listened too and probably never will....
22. I actually like school and I'll be sad when I'm done.
*i definitely needed a break after grad school but I do miss it, especially the structure 
23. I use different shampoo and conditioner depending on if I'm straightening or curling my hair.
*okay doesn't everyone do this?!?
24. I think DVR might be one of the greatest inventions ever.
*obviously...and having netflix stream through the wii is also pretty clutch
25. I wrote this list out before I typed it in Facebook to make sure I included everything I wanted too and that I liked the order...O.C.D. I know...

So there you have it...now you know a little more about me. I find it amusing that all of these (except for the tattoo) are still completely true about me.  In place of the tattoo fact, I would just say that I really like sending cards in the actual US postal service. I think that people really like receiving an actual piece of mail, not just a facebook wall post.