reading more in 2014

i've always enjoyed reading but i've never really picked that love up since high school...but i'm going to change that in 2014

i got a few books for Christmas and i went on a downloading spree on amazon so i have lots of reading material to work with

i started reading one on my ipad earlier this week, purely based on the name..."the single woman: life, love and a dash of sass"...yeah i'm kind of in love with this one already...and i'm almost done with it

i think the thing i like best about this book is that it's fun...and while it covers the normal issues that a book on being single has to cover...it definitely has that bit of sassiness...and obviously i embrace that...it also has this great prologue that i've read every morning this week...and while i won't put the entire thing here, i am going to share a few of my favorite lines

"she walks the unaccompanied path. she has her own back. she asks for no favors. not an ounce of independence does she lack"

"she's sassy and feisty to those she meets, but some nights her tears fall on empty sheets."

"but she loves God and she loves to dance, and she's her own better half"


so basically i love this book for real...and i'm sad that since it's on my ipad i can't write in the book...but that's probably a good thing or else i would have highlighted the entire book already  (no but really i would have)

{promise i'll eventually talk about a book that isn't about being single...}

lady of security

(finally getting back to lady in waiting...now onto chapter 7)

quotable:captivating

"We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." {page 17}


"The first and greatest of all commands is to love him (Mark 12:29-20, Matt. 22:36-38). He wants us to love him. To seek him with all our hearts. A woman longs to be sought after, too, with the whole heart of her pursuer. God longs to be desired. Just as a woman longs to be desired. This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of a woman, that deep yearning to be desired." {page 29}


"...we cannot talk about loving a man well-whoever he might be in your life-until we see that we cannot look to him for things he cannot give. We cannot love Adam while we are looking for him to validate us. It will usher in too much fear. If he's the verdict on us as a woman, we won't be able to truly and freely offer him our beauty." {page 153}


"The nurturing of life is a high and holy calling. And as a woman, it is yours. Yes, it takes many shapes and has a myriad of faces. Yes, men are called to this as well. But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman's soul-the calling to mother." {page 177}


"You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus...And you are needed." {page 217}


"Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself; and then, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love." {page 217}


[Captivating  is written by John and Stasi Eldredge]

lady of purity

i feel the need to preface this chapter. i almost skipped it when i was reading the book. and honestly, even rereading it just now i was definitely thinking "well i'd never do that." so those thoughts may come through as i'm writing my thoughts out for this chapter. i will be the first to admit that it's really easy to make the "right" choices concerning purity when your not in a serious relationship. i know with 100% confidence that once i'm in a relationship with the boy that i'll need to revisit this chapter full-force as well as other books i have on the same topic. and i'm completely okay with that. but for now the thoughts will be coming from the 23 year old who isn't in the serious relationship and doesn't understand the idea of just casually dating someone (much less the idea of casual sex). 

4 consequences of having sex before marriage are discussed in this chapter. they are physical, emotional, relational and spiritual. 

my favorite line from the physical section is "she didn't want to seem "different" in front of her date." i feel like one of my biggest fears is summed up into that one sentence. i don't want to be seen as different or weird just because of my beliefs. i especially don't want people that i fellowship and worship with thinking that my belief on premarital sex is so strange and out-there. i remember a conversation that i had with 2 of my friends that i met at church while in college. by the time i left dinner i kind of couldn't believe that these were my "church girl friends". i mean it's one thing for random people to have such ideals but really, the people i'm going to church with?! i think i was just shocked and, looking back on the conversation, i never really said where i stood on the topic. there is a part of me that wonders if they honestly couldn't just figure it out. i mean i don't exactly scream crazy or anything. i will say that this conversation did leave me with the realization that now i no longer had to be concerned with just random people thinking i was weird but church friends might too. and really, i just think that is plain sad.
the topic of modesty usually comes to mind whenever purity is being discussed. i written a post on modesty here before and why i'm really glad that my mother did the things that she did. i think that sometimes a lot of pressure and importance is put on the whole "just don't have sex" concept. while that is certainly a valid and true point, there is so much more to purity. and i think that a lot of this can be brought back to modesty, and specifically the way in which a girl dresses. like i said, i've written on modesty before but just to revisit, being modest doesn't mean that you only wear a burlap sack and no make-up. i think that your attitude and intention about the clothes you wear and how you present yourself is pretty key in the modesty concept. of course there is a lot more to purity than just being modest but i think that when modesty can be a concept that a girl is comfortable with then the whole purity thing might make a little more sense to her as well. 

so i guess i really don't have much to say about this chapter [yet]. and i know that will all change one day (maybe one day soon). i also know that maybe i have unrealistic expectations of the boy and the leadership he'll bring to relationship [which might come up later in this book...or maybe this idea came from another book or bible study...so maybe one day i'll explain this in a little more detail]. and right now, i'm okay with that. i'd much rather be where i am than on the other side of the fence regretting my choices. i know i've sorta mentioned it before, the idea that if i behaved in a different way or did something different, then maybe i would have found the boy by now. and sure, there are a few minor choices i could have made differently. but the whole purity thing, well that's one area where i'm completely okay with my choices so far. and, as uncommon and uncool as they may appear, that's really okay with me. and i will totally say that having classes on this topic throughout high school youth group as well as the greatest friends ever really helped solidify this idea.

lady of virtue

so again i'm going to start this post with how much i love this chapter. chapter 4 (a lady of virtue) focuses a lot on the difference between being a true lady of virtue and being someone who focuses on their outward appearance. there were so many good, short stories about men who noticed a woman because of her godly character. the chapter begins with talk of how a pearl is created through the use of an oyster shell. i think the following excerpt explains quite well how creation a pearl can relate to being single.


"God is using the sands of singleness to make you perfect and complete. He's developing pearls of your character in your life. He knows that whatever you use to "catch" a guy, you must also use to keep him. If you attract a guy with only your looks, then you are headed for trouble, since looks don't last. As time goes on, we all end up looking like oysters. Therefore, what you look like on the inside is far more important than what you look like on the outside." (page 52)


and naturally the Proverbs 31 woman in mentioned. i found this particular piece of information really interesting. there are 20 verses describing God's picture of a beautiful woman in Proverbs 31. However, only one verse mentions her outward appearance. 


another tangent in this chapter was about what you picture when you picture the prefect man for yourself? i think the perfect point is made quite effectively. do we honestly think that the godly kind of man we want to marry is going to be attracted to a shallow woman or someone who dresses only to capture the attention of men? i just love reading those few sentences because obviously i'm not looking to marry someone who is attracted to that kind of a woman. so i really need to keep that in mind with my actions daily. i might have high standards for "the boy" so why shouldn't he expect a lot from me as well? i don't want to settle so i certainly don't want someone who is just settling with me. 


this chapter also had 2 lists, one a lady of virtue and another for body beautiful. these were ways to get a man to notice you and to see if you are developing inner or outer beauty. i'm glad i marked these when i first read this book and its super interesting to me how i have changed (or how i'm still the same) in certain places. 


one of the study questions for the chapter is the following: Read Proverbs 31. In prayer admit, "Father, You don't choose to zap me into completion. So today, I choose to cooperate with the Holy Spirit as You make me a Lady of Virtue. From my scripture reading, show me one quality from Proverbs 31 that I need to develop." (For example: discipline, thoroughness, graciousness, giving, diligence.) Pray over this quality for a month before moving to something else.
i think this is something i'm going to work on for the next few months. we'll see how it goes...maybe i'll update it here...maybe


[lady in waiting, chapter 4]

lady of faith

"Your hope cannot be put in some dreamed-up future. It must be in the God who knows your past, present and future, and loves you enough to give you the best." (page 43)

chapter 3 starts off with which states have an abundance of men, you know if you were spouse-hunting. and just in case you were wondering those states are Alaska, Montana and Florida...where i do not live...but i really don't think that is the issue.

i enjoyed the story about a lady who went to a Christian college assuming she would find Mr.Right while there. she didn't and her Mr.Right ended up being someone from her small hometown. i know i've addressed this before but i sometimes have the fear/thought that if i would have attended the Christian college with all my friends, i would totally be married by now...but it's nice to be reminded that surely isn't a guarantee. 

a main point of this chapter is that we (single women) should not just attend events and participate in activities where we think there is a good chance of meeting someone. While it's totally good to be an active participant, we need to examine our motives for attending. i really, really liked this point and i'm not going to lie...i am definitely guilty of trying to find the cute, single boy at most events. i mean i just like to know who it's going to be. so i need to work on this...especially the examining my motives for attending different events. i will say i think i've gotten a little better with this concept but i know it was definitely one of the first things i thought about 2-ish years ago.

"You may wonder, "How can I be a Lady of Faith when I feel so insecure deep in my heart that God will deliver the goods? What if  I have faith in God and end up being 98 and unmarried?" Of course, you would never outright admit that you're not sure you can trust God. That would appear too ungodly! But there's that sneaking fear in the back of your ming: "If I really give up my search and have 'eyes of faith,' God might not give me what I desire, like a husband, a home and children." God knows when your heart aches for these precious things. But he also knows that these earthly things will not make you secure." (page 43-44)

the above was a fairly long passage to include, but i thought it really explained what i'm sometimes feeling. i mean most days i'm pretty sure that i'll end up married and everything. and it's honestly not a constant fear of mine that i'll be alone, 98 and unmarried. but i think it's only natural that every once in a while i think the above thoughts. i think the main thing i take away from the above passage (and really this entire book) is that finding a guy won't "fix" everything else that isn't quite right in my life. and i think that ultimately this is a message that all young women need to be hearing. i also think that the above passage might have been a little too 'real' for me to read 7 or so years ago. i was definitely not a point where i would even want to consider being unmarried and 30 (much less 98). i mean no one young girl wants to think about what-if she never gets married. and the majority of those girls totally will...but everyone could stand to hear that the boy doesn't make you more secure in your skin...or closer to God.

the best line/phrase in this chapter is the following "If Jesus wants you married, he will orchestrate the encounter." (page 45) The book goes on to say that Jesus has our best interest at heart. okay so that concept alone is mind-boggling...but it makes me feel so much better about looking for the right guy...and really just life in general. 

the chapter closes with short stories about women keeping their 'eyes of faith' and how Mr.Right was brought into their lives. 

"Don't fear or resent the waiting periods in your life. They are the very gardens where the seeds of faith blossom." (page 48)

[chapter 3 Lady in Waiting]

lady of diligence

"Although a single woman may long for the "chaos" of a family, she must not waste her time wishing for it." (page 25)

so i might end up saying this about each chapter but i really enjoyed this chapter. one of the things that i liked best about this chapter was the discussion about how single women should be using their free time to become more involved. during this "life stage" we naturally have more freedom and less distractions so we should take advantage of this and not become more emotionally distracted than a mom of many children. there are so many ways that we can serve if we just take that step of faith and get out there. i will totally admit that i'm really bad at taking this step. [currently i justify this thought with not really knowing what i'm doing/where i'm going to be in my life within the next few months...and i really like to think that once i'm settled somewhere i'll be really involved. i do know how much i loved when people my age-ish did activities with me in high school (confused yet?) so i definitely think i'd make an extra effort to do the same]

"Some singles see the lack of a mate as God denying them something for a more "noble purpose"-a cross to bear! Our selfish nature tends to focus on what we do not have rather than what we do have-free time-that can be used for others and ourselves. Is your life on hold until you have someone to hold? (page 28)

this above passage struck me as very interesting, especially the cross to bear part. i had never thought of being single like that, and i really hope that i ever won't think like that. however, it is something i could see myself rationalizing, especially if i'm in a similar state 7 years from now. (but that's 7 years away so it's all good) i also don't really think of God as denying me something. sure i want something that i don't currently have but i don't think that God is actively denying me this. i just think he knows that i'm not ready yet (or i like to think that the boy's just not ready yet) and that's okay. 

there was also a short story about a woman who dated incessantly in college but remained single longer than most expected her too. She would tell people that what helped her to remain satisfied was a "full place setting." One day she realized that she didn't need to be eating off of paper plates when she had good china and flatware in her hope chest. i laughed a little when i read this. it's totally not the same thing at all but my mom always tells me that i'm not getting a kitchen aid mixer until i register for one. it's such a small way in which i can relate to this story but it just makes me laugh. also because i like that this person decided she didn't have to wait until she had a mate to start living her life. i mean i totally plan on buying all sorts of nicer things once i have a job and an apartment. (i may also have a small yet insane desire to start a box (or closet) for my very unborn children...yup that might be the most insane thing you read all week...)

"Have you neglected some mission or ministry opportunities because you feared prolonging your unmarried state?" (page 30)

confession time--okay so i've never neglected a mission or ministry opportunity but i've certainly picked some over others in hopes of meeting "the one". and yes i do need to be active and not just pinning things all day, every day. but i should examine my motives for doing something or attending a certain event.

The chapter then talks about different ministry areas. some of my favorite ones listed are diligence and the ministry of writing, diligence and the ministry of hospitality, diligence and the ministry of teaching and diligence and the ministry of service. one of my favorite quotes from the entire book came from the diligence and the ministry of service section.

"your single state may not be permanent, but it definitely is not to be a comatose state until your Prince Charming arrives and whisks you off to his castle. Single women are not "sleeping beauties" waiting for their prince to fight his way through the thorns and past the wicked witch to finally kiss them awake. That is an allusion often used by the enemy to defraud women." (page 33)

"If all of our serving is before others, we will be shallow people indeed." (page 26)

(chapter 2 of lady in waiting)

lady of reckless abandonment

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a woman's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

(page 13)

Ruth is frequently mentioned throughout the book and in this chapter three areas of her life are examined. these areas were affected when she recklessly abandoned her life to God. 

new friends: "you mirror those who influence you" (page 17) find people who will encourage your want to be a dedicated single woman, not those who undermine or criticize your drive. mediocre or non-christians might not understand your desire for a deep commitment but remember that who you spend your time with can (and will) affect your relationship with Jesus. 

new surroundings: "part of reckless abandonment is realizing how much our culture has affected our behavior patterns you want to be Christlike, but your lifestyle is a reflections of Vogue magazine or Cosmopolitan rather than a new creation in Christ. A.W. Tozer said, "a whole new generation of Christians has come up believing that it is possible to 'accept' Christ without forsaking the world." Ruth had to forsake the familiar and comfortable in order to receive God's best for her life." (page 18)

new faith: develop a deep relationship with Jesus, not just meaningless rituals, create a vital love relationship with Jesus

[the missing puzzle piece]

hint: it's not Mr. Right...and it's not a dream career or even motherhood

you can never be fully satisfied until you truly understand that you are complete in God

important note: the incompleteness and feeling of being unsatisfied is not due to being single but instead not being full of Jesus---so if two incomplete singles are married, they are not suddenly both complete. and a woman who is not complete in Jesus and gets married will then be a drain on her husband. a woman cannot expect her husband to fill the space that only Jesus can.

and for a closing thought, a good goal for every day really...

"Choose right now to put mediocrity behind you; courageously determine to pursue Jesus with your whole heart, soul, and mind. As a single woman, this is the perfect moment to establish a radical relationship with Jesus and remove any tokenism from your Christian walk."

(page 22)

Lady in Waiting (take one)

[i'm trying to find blog-worthy events but that seems to be a slightly daunting task. in the mean time i'll be writing about some of my favorite books/bible studies. today will be part one (of many, i'm sure) from Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones)


i started reading lady in waiting during my senior year of college, so about two years ago. i can honestly say that it is one of my favorite books (like we are talking top 5 books and favorite bible study). okay so i've only used lady in waiting as an individual study. i think it would be a fantastic small group study book but i'd also have some reservations. i'm sure i'll talk more about this throughout this walk with lady in waiting but basically this book is very real and honest. i'd have to be in just the right small group for it to be an effective study for me (i think). 


anyways, i thought i would start out with an overview of the book. the full title is lady in waiting, becoming God's best while waiting for Mr. Right. each chapter is about a different lady, for example a lady of diligence, a lady of virtue and a lady of security. while i have read the entire book multiple times, there are definite chapters that i have read very frequently, depending on my current mood. i'm thinking that i might talk about each chapter individually. so this might get to be a little tedious but we'll see how it goes. 


the preface begins by stating that this isn't just another book for singles because it focuses on the state of a woman's heart, not her status. one of the hardest (but also greatest and truest) points made in the book is that the ache in your heart isn't really for a man, that getting married and having kids (following the "script") won't make everything okay. the longing can only be satisfied by Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom. 


i mean i know i've heard that idea/concept many times before. but i don't think it ever really clicked for me until reading this book. i can't explain why that is, but i'm glad that it finally did click. i think that's one reason i can reread this book and still enjoy it so. i NEED to be reminded that meeting someone and getting married isn't going to just make everything okay (not that everything isn't okay right now). so that's my message for today. and i think it could be my message everyday