it's a new year

i have never really made any resolutions...but i do love a good list and being able to mark things off of said list. so in honor of the new year and all of the resolutions being made, i decided to post a few of the things that appear on my "big life list" for 2012. hopefully i can be marking some of these items off sooner rather than later. other items are not really things that can be marked off but just things i want to be more consistent about in 2012.

• find a job in public accounting---i've had my graduate degree since August and i should probably put it to use sometime soon...however i will be really sad to end my days with the twins
• finish the CPA exam---i only have one section left and i know that i can pass it, i just need to buckle down and focus on it.
• get engaged---okay so i'm kidding (slightly) with this one. i would like for 2012 to be the year that sees some major advancements on this front...but we shall see what happens
• get more organized---so this can truly happen once i have my own place and can finally have all my stuff in one place...as opposed to 3 different places
• be more diligent in with my journal---i know i go through cycles of journaling but i'd really like for this year to be the year that i fill the journal up...even if it's with all kinds of randomness
• be better with sending people random cards and such---i may hate the post office but i love getting unexpected mail so i'm assuming others do as well
• be nicer---as unbelievable as this may sound, i sometimes have a mean side. i think that if i can look at (some) things with a more positive outlook then i will only be happier (but i can't give up the sometimes not-so-nice sarcasm all the time...or else i wouldn't be me)
• be involved---this applies to pretty much all aspects of my life...be more involved in the lives of my parents and with jonathan and nealee...work on being more involved with my friends...and on making new friends...and (once i'm working) involved at work...and at church...and with outreach activities...this goal will definitely be a year-long work in progress

i'll be sure to give updates on the "big life list" as things progress this year. maybe by putting this out there, i'll be better at actually working on some of these things (aka being nicer...and more involved)

to-do list

today I made a list of things I wanted to get done. I'm not going to lie, I've really missed making lists and getting to cross things off of those lists. I'm super excited that this list doesn't contain anything about becker or studying, so yay for that. But I do have a few cards I need to write and messages to send. I feel the need to be more organized with that and really who doesn't love a good list. Getting dressed is also on my to-do list for today. More often than not I've recently been in leggings and a t-shirt until 3 or so...and then I might change into jeans. If you know me at all, you know that's so very not Staci behavior. But I do love my leggings so it's all good...and spit-up goes much better with a t-shirt then a cute dress anyways. 
the career fair and recruiter's picnic were interesting. I'm still hopeful that something awesome will come from that...preferably in the form of a job offer. I did get a cool cup that I'm pretty excited about, so at least there's always that. Exam scores should be released sometime next week possibly and that's a terrifying thought. But more on that once it actually happens. 
so basically I'm probably a little too excited about my to-do list. and I'm really not even sure why I'm posting this but hey, it's what I'm doing today. Having a to-do list does make me think about all the things that I want to accomplish and I still haven't crossed off my list yet. But I'm definitely thinking that's a new blog post all in its own. 

Job Search: Take 2

I really would like to blog but i don't think I have anything to say. Which, if you know me, is somewhat of a shock. I'm currently watching Teen Mom and it's a 90 minute episode but I'm pretty sure I'll be asleep before it's over. Good thing MTV will re-air this episode only a million times in the next week. 
Tomorrow is the Career Fair and then the Recruiter's Picnic. I haven't really been thinking about the whole job thing because I've known that there was really very little I could do until this picnic. Now that it's here, I'm slightly panicked but I still think I should feel way more anxious and nervous than I do. But I guess that's really a blessing. Anyways the job search really, officially starts again tomorrow...and I really, really need to find a job. I definitely have my idea of what my dream {accounting} job would be (which is obviously different than my dream job, because hello who dreams of an accounting job). But, unlike my list for my future husband, I'm willing to make serious adjustments for the job hunt. I would love to stay in Greenville but I'm obviously not in a position to turn down a job offer in another city. That would just mean that I'd have to visit all the time and start over in another city, but those are both things I could do. 
So yeah, tomorrow is a big day. And watching Teen Mom is making me feel a lot better about my life, but it always does that. I guess I should finalize what I'm wearing tomorrow...but I really, really need Amy for that! Guess I'll be sending her pictures so she can help me look professional and then business casual. I seriously need an accounting job where I can wear cute dresses, cardigans and ruffles to work each day. 

my birthday and 9-11

   So today I turn 23.   
   Yup today, on the tenth anniversary of 9-11, I turn 23. And yup that means that I turned 13 on 9-11. When people ask do you remember what you were doing on 9-11, I definitely do. I was in 8th grade and found out what had happened when I got to second period (art). I think that at 13 I didn't really understand what had happened and how it would change things. But really I'm not sure that my 23 year old self could understand it any better. It really is so weird to think that it has been 10 years since 9-11. And I don't really know what else to say about 9-11. I know that now when I tell people my birthday, they always give me a second glance. I mean it's not like I'm lying about when I was born or anything. 
   I can honestly say that I'm not where I thought I'd be on my 23rd birthday and tenth anniversary of 9-11. If you would have told 13 year old me that I would have my Masters in Accounting, she would have thought you were crazy. (okay the 23 year old me thinks that's kind of crazy too so...) But if 13 year old me knew that she would go to college for 5 years (yay Clemson!) and not have real boyfriend she would never believe that...or she might cry. (again the 23 year old me might cry too...) The 13 year old me would expect to be engaged, if not married, and to already have a job and be living in the "grown-up world" not just kind of floating through life. Then I would hope that the 13 year old me would realize that the job search is on and (hopefully, really really hopefully) I'll have one soon. And that not dating anyone in college really isn't the end of the world. Because being an individual and different instead of just doing what everyone else is doing, is really a fantastic thing. And yes it's totally not the easy road, but it's certainly the right road for that 13 year old to take.  I really would want 13 year old me to be happy with where she'll be in 10 years, even if it's not where she expected at all. 
   That's not to say that the 23 year old me isn't hoping for the same things for 24 (or 25, whatever) year old me. I think that now I realize getting married is so much more than just finding someone who you like and who likes you back, a concept that 13 year old me probably knew but really what 13 year old has a solid grasp on what marriage is. (okay 23 year old me probably has a lot to learn on the topic too, but she's a little more equipped than the 13 year old version) 
   So I am eager to see what the next year holds for me. I know this past one has been quite a ride, full of great ups and downs. But ultimately I'm a pretty happy girl and this next year might just be the best one yet!

Kelly's blog post (which can be found here) really made my day. In fact, I'm pretty sure it made my week. I definitely have it bookmarked and I know that there will be future moments when I need the reminder and I go back to her post. I love how open and honest she is concerning her feelings of singleness. I related to a lot of what she posted about, including the notion that what your suppose to do is go to college and find "the one".  I know I've talked about my feelings about this so I'll just spare you the repeat and move on to another point.
I also really related to the idea of going to a Christian college to "help" the process along. While I did not go to a Christian college, most of my best friends from high school did. I have often wondered how different my life would be if I would have just gone to college with them. While I may have had moments of doubt that I made the wrong choice I'm always brought back to how certain I was in my decision when I graduated from high school. And then I think about all the small (and big) things that have happened to me in the last 5 years and I know that I definitely made the right choice. After all, God doesn't really need me to "help" him along. But I was super glad to see that someone else had such similar thoughts as I did/do.
Kelly also touched on the idea of not hurting your self esteem while in the season of singleness. [season of singleness is a term from lady in waiting] I think this is something that I also relate too but I was never able to really label what I was feeling. Kelly did a great job with that (for me at least). I think that's it is really hard to not feel like your inadequate when you just can't seem to acquire what you truly want. It doesn't help that every single time I check facebook a different someone from high school is either engaged or married. [i will say that i haven't had to go through any of my really good friends getting married. i'm sure that will be rough in its own special way. i should also mention that i tend to hang out with a lot of married people so maybe i'll just avoid this step mostly anyways] But back to the self-esteem issue. I know that I'm only 22 (soon to be 23) so maybe some people think that I'm way too young to even be worried about this but I'm not, trust me! And the fact that this is the one thing that I really, really want, it's super hard to be patient. But more than that, it's hard not to think that the reason I'm not engaged/married already is because of me. And this certainly is not a constant thought of mine, but every once in a while it enters my mind. However normally I just move right along in my thinking with thoughts of how special and unique the "one" for me will be. And that whoever that might be, just isn't quite ready for me yet. I mean I can be quite the challenge at times, so I'm sure my "one" is just preparing for me :)
I also love how Kelly talked about being single and attending church. Somedays I know I really long for a group of single ladies who are all in a similar stage of life as I am yet who all desire and long for similar things like me. I think that it would be easier to be involved if we could, as a group, be involved at church. In my head this group would be so awesome because we would be really open and honest with one another. It would be great to have others to go through this with. But then I start to think that what if all we did was complain and be depressed about the lack of "ones" in our lives. So maybe it's a blessing that I don't have this group currently.
I'm kind of looking forward to enjoying being single (you know maybe for like a month or two). It's not like I just got out of a relationship or anything but I feel like being single and not in college is going to be a completely different experience than being single and in college. So really I guess I'm just excited about this next stage of my life. I think it will be really good for me to come back and read this post in a few months when I'm not so excited about this stage of my life. Or, maybe I'll always be excited about it and that won't be necessary...but I do like to prepare for the worst :)

best blog post ever

http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/2011/08/all-single-ladies.html

seriously...read it...now!!

Ch-Ch-Changes...

      On Saturday August 13, I will graduate with my Master's in Accounting. And honestly, I have never been more terrified of anything (except those few days where graduation was uncertain...). Graduating last May with my undergrad was a pretty anti-climatic experience. I already knew that I would be attending grad school and extending my college experience another year. But now, there's no more school to be had and it's time to really move on. And it's that very idea of moving on that really scares me. Being the great planner that I am, I of course had a plan of what I would be doing after graduation. However I'm pretty sure that this plan is going to require a little bit of alteration, seeing as how I don't have a a job (anywhere) or someone waiting to propose. So yup, it kind of feels like I'm back at square one...or starting on plan E.
     I had never planned on attending grad school. I went to my advisor (who i might have also wanted to marry...but that's another story) and he suggested a masters in accounting. I researched it a little bit and talked with my parents. They were (honestly) thrilled about this idea and since the program was only a year, they fully supported me attending. To be really honest, I only went to talk to my advisor because I didn't have any job prospects but even more importantly, I wasn't anywhere close to being engaged. And (as seriously strange as this may sound) I had always known that I would graduate college and be engaged soon after. Since that obviously wasn't going to happen, I decided I just wouldn't leave college. Enter the idea of grad school. I am truly glad that I ended up in the masters program. I was able to make some great friends and have some "real" college experiences. I also got to be around as other friends got pregnant and had babies. Overall, I had a fantastic 4 years in undergrad and an amazing fifth year to end with (a national championship would have been a nice cherry on top...).
     Now I'm back to not having a job or any real direction. Not having a plan is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Graduate school gave me a more specific career path than I had with just my undergrad degree. And I'm really okay with that career path and grateful that everyone around me seems so sure that I'll find a great job soon. But I'm obviously freaked out about not having a job and graduating so soon. And I'm pretty sure that this feeling is only compounded by the fact that I'm no where near engaged. Finding a job is something that I know will happen eventually (even if it takes a month or two longer than everyone thinks it will). It's the whole "finding the one" thing that I am whole lot less confident about. And to be really honest, it's something I want more than finding a great job. (but let's not tell my dad that one) I know that eventually both things will happen...if they are meant too. And this whole "if it's meant to happen" idea is a pretty tough pill to swallow somedays (and that's probably another post too).
    So now I'm back to feeling just a little freaked out about all of my life changes. I know that everything will work out exactly how God has planned for it too. And I truly believe that it's in his plans for me to have a good job (finally make use of my degrees) and to be married someday. I know that I'm only 22 (soon-to-be 23) so most people look at me and think I really shouldn't be concerned about never getting married. But hey, I can't help how I feel.
    While it may seem like I am dreading graduation, I'm actually kind of excited too...but still terrified, don't get me wrong. I'm excited to find a job and have my own place and be a real "grown-up." And in all the days leading up to company meet & greets and interviews, I have the opportunity to spend some quality time with some pretty cute babies. I also have some serious studying to do and some leisure reading that I'm quite excited about. So yeah I might be really scared but I have faith that I'm not going to be that child with two degrees who still lives in their parent's basement when they are 30...mainly because there is no basement at my parent's house :)

Goals, Lists and Life

So the first week of graduate school is over and I came away with a very intriguing assignment. I'm not sure that my professor expected for this assignment to cause me the problems that it did but oh well. The assignment is to list our one and five year goals. While there are some given goals, I feel like I have two lists of five year goals: those that are appropriate for grad school and then my real goals. My real goal list came somewhat easily to me. Of course there is some overlap between my two lists but not a lot. It was also mentioned that we would discuss our goals in class. I think this might be the part that bothers me the most. I'm not ashamed of my five year goals and those that really know me can totally understand them. I'm just not so sure that a female-dominate graduate level class can fully appreciate where I would like to be in five years. So here are my real five year goals...

*I'd want to be married to a man who is the spiritual leader of our family (and probably at least a few years older than me...but hey who knows)

*I want to have kids (this of course hinges on the marriage factor...and depends on how long I have actually been married)

*I want to have a job I love-if it's possible for me to be home with my kids I really want to be doing that. It's strange to write that because for 18 years I never wanted to stay home with my kids...but after one semester at college I realize that it's actually what I REALLY want...and yes I'm in grad school now...

*I want to be established in the community...a homeowner in a good community with a good school district and a church that I love

*I want to be involved at a church that I love-one that challenges me and makes me think but that also encourages me and provides me with great Christian fellowship

*I want to be a good influence on those around me-especially younger girls from church...I want to be involved in their lives 

*I want to maintain a good relationship with my brother (and his maybe wife?!?)

*I want to have relationships in which I am truly held accountable and can be open. I obviously want to have such a relationship with my would-be husband but I also want/need this with a Christian female friend or two

*I want to be able to look back and see how God has changed me and been active in my life in the past five years. I want to be able to acknowledge and recognize why things happened and see how God was moving daily in my life. 

I could continue but I feel like these goals really encompass what I would like to see in myself in five years. Of course writing out these goals makes me think about how much of my future is based on getting married. It's not explicit from just reading these goals (I hope/think) but it's pretty obvious in my mind. The thing about goals is that most of my past goals have all been things that I can accomplish on my own. I mean it might take some hard work and lots of time but I can get it done. That is certainly not the case with marriage.


 I have a few female friends who are single and this topic has been popular with us recently. One friend, who has a similar church background, said something to me that made me think. We were talking about lists and things we were looking for in guys. I have pretty much determined that I'm much more likely to meet a guy who is compatible with my list at church. Does this freak the crap out of me...of course. My friend then talked about her list but ended it by saying that she is confident that she could meet him anywhere. I'm not saying that I doubt God's ability for me to meet this guy, I'm just taking a realistic approach (and trying to limit my constant thoughts about possibly meeting him)... And now this post is starting to relate a lot to my previous one. I guess the main thing I got from this conversation with my friend is that I'm not looking for this guy in every situation...and to be quite honest I'm okay with that. I know that the type of faith I'm "looking for" in a guy won't just come in someone who has been to church a few times in his life, among other things. 


This is getting kind of hard to explain so I think I'll just go the way of saying that I'm trying really hard not to be judgmental with all of this...and that it does (somewhat) relate to my five year goals because by having the detailed and specific list that I have, it's (I believe) realistic to think that I'll be married and have kid(s) in five years. I really don't see myself dating someone for very long. I mean obviously this is all up to God...but I'm kind of sure that I know what I want. And it's not like I just created this list overnight. It's been an on-going process of mine for over 10 years...and yes that means I started this list in middle school but hey I'm just ahead of the curve. The list is certainly not what it was back then but by the same token all of the really important things have remained. I know that obviously when (if??) I get married is all up to God's plan for me, but I have to admit, it makes these five year goals difficult to write. 

It would obviously be easier if I just knew...would not everything be easier if we just knew...

But I can plan...naturally all of my planning can be in vain but still, I can plan. And while I plan I can work on other goals and reach some goals I was unaware that I even had. More importantly, I can focus on school and my relationship with God. Those are actually the two main areas of all of my one year goals. I want to journal more and focus on my relationship with God. I am kind of floating right now in that area. I am at church and I like it but I miss the fellowship & encouragement that I've associated with church in the past. It's a really weird place to be in and I have some decisions to make. I'm worried that I'll make a decision based purely on where I feel I have the greatest chance to meet a guy. Totally not right but that doesn't make me consider it any less. 


I should probably get back to writing my goals and rereading my assignments but this somehow seemed much more important. I realize that this has been a somewhat random post but it helps me to see it all written out. And hopefully one day I'll be able to look back at this and see how God has been active in my life since this post...