this crazy thing called life

my life has been rather boring recently but exciting stuff has been happening in my family. 
my brother got a job...yup like a real, full-time, grown-up job. and i'm honestly really happy for him. and yes, this is the same brother (i only have one) who is engaged and getting married in january of next year. and yup this brother is just graduating from college in may. it's funny how his life is turning out exactly how i had mine planned. actually it's really not funny at all. and if i think about it too much, i get a little sad. and if i'm being honest, maybe a little jealous. i had slowly come to terms with the fact that he would be getting married before me. (but i can still beat him...any takers people?) but this whole job thing is a completely different can of worms. and yeah i kind of hate that his life is all coming together and mine is basically a colossal train wreck (which is ironic since he's going to work for the railroad...) but in all seriousness, i just wish some small part of my life would start to make sense...i'm not even asking for it all anymore...just something. 
and it's not like i want his life to be floundering like mine is, i guess i just wanted to accomplish something before him (besides the obvious like graduating and such). i'm a little less than 2 years older than him but i always knew i would be employed and married before him. and yes, i did extend my college career by a year so there has really only been 9 months between our final college graduations...which is slightly more acceptable than 2 years. 
so there you have it blog-land, i'd like to be employed with a ring on my finger. but since we obviously don't live in a perfect world and my plan is clearly not correct, i'd take an interview...or a date. 
i think another reason i would really like either of the above (other then that it would hopefully ease my feelings of failure) would be the companionship/friendship/the relationship. i'm so, so, so hesitant to write what i'm going to next, but i really feel like i need too. sometimes i think the reason i haven't found the job yet or met the boy yet is that i'm not suppose to be where i am. like instead of just looking for jobs in/near greenville, i should be looking all over. (which i have been doing...just not as seriously as i've looked in greenville) maybe God doesn't want me here and he's trying so hard to tell me to let go of what i want and to look somewhere else (as if i haven't had to let go of most of my awesome plan already, i mean can't i just hold onto this little piece?!?)
so maybe i need to move and just start over. i would enjoy some friends who aren't married and don't have kids. or maybe just someone to go to lunch with on a Saturday...or meet for coffee one night. i absolutely love being with Jackson and Riggs but it's isolating in a way. but if i was at home, i'd just be hanging out with my parents and their friends and honestly that would be even more isolating because at least in greenville there are people i like that are my age. 
it doesn't really help that everyone  i hang out with from church is married and most have kids. which again, is awesome, but doesn't leave a lot of time for just hanging out. i've written about this whole idea vaguely before (and here as well) but i guess i'll touch on it again. i seriously hate when i feel like someone feels obligated to include me. i promise i may sound really weak and whiney on this blog but i like to think i'm a lot stronger in reality. for example, while out earlier, i heard on the radio an advertisement for a greenville drive game. i considered going for a split second but i thought going all by myself would make me seriously sad. but then i realized that i didn't even have anyone to ask to go with me and i got sad anyways. so just simple things like that. i guess my question to the world is where does someone find people to go to a minor league game with...or to spend a saturday afternoon with? and i came to the same conclusion that i've been reaching a lot recently...
i don't think it can happen for me in greenville. i really think God is seriously telling me to get out. look outside my comfort zone and just go. i mean i'd obviously have to find a job first but now i'm very seriously looking in cities throughout the u.s. and maybe i'll find something perfect. okay so i'm obviously still hoping something will come up in greenville but i doubt that a little more each and every day. so if God wants me to move on, then move on i will. and maybe then my life will all come together. or hey maybe it won't. i have a ton of fears about moving anywhere but i don't think i'll blog about those until i have a job offer that will require me to face those fears. which i don't have. 
so back to fun & non serious blogging tomorrow. i will confess that i wrote this a few days ago while in starbucks and clearly blogging in starbucks bring out the depressed/crazy/emotional side of me. 
and i think i'll end this blog post with the following tweet that pretty much sums up my thoughts on finding the boy.
via Southern Weddings @iloveswmag Southern Phrase of the Day: on finding the right man: Good Men are as scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.