my most loved journal

so i was looking through the journal that i'm in the process of writing in, in hopes of one day (maybe....if i can work up the courage to do it) giving it to the man i marry. i'm not gonna lie, it kind of terrifies me to think about someone else (especially him!) ever reading this entire journal (or journals if i end up with multiple books) so we'll have to see about that one. 
anyways, as i was looking through this journal, i found where i had written down a list of my "what-ifs" from the summer of 2009...and every single one of these "what-ifs" still completely apply to my life. and that kind of scares me to death. and then i try to think how it's funny that the 'big things' don't really change. and that these will always be my big "what-ifs" in my life. sure, some of them can be checked off if/when they happen but then others will replace them. and that's just life
it's also amusing (and slightly scary) how much i feel like my feelings just cycle through life. i have a few entries that sound eerily similar to my crazy emotional posts from almost 2 months ago. 
but then i'll read an entry where i talk about how i just painted my nails black to match my church outfit and how much i love the cherry 7up i was currently drinking. (side note: definitely obsessed with that drink for like all of my senior year...obsessed) so don't think this journal is so depressing and crazy that no one wold every want to read it. i actually find it to be quite funny to read at times. 
and ultimately i know (okay so i'm like 82% sure) that i'll end up giving this to the boy. and honestly that makes me really happy. writing (and rereading) each entry just gives me hope that someday someone else WILL get to read this...and he'll already know i'm kind of crazy so no worries there :)


[obviously i would really, really encourage young ladies to start doing this. i obviously have no idea how it will go over but i just think that ultimately the right guy would seriously treasure this book. even if you only write about the super cute new heels you just bought!]