On Saturday August 13, I will graduate with my Master's in Accounting. And honestly, I have never been more terrified of anything (except those few days where graduation was uncertain...). Graduating last May with my undergrad was a pretty anti-climatic experience. I already knew that I would be attending grad school and extending my college experience another year. But now, there's no more school to be had and it's time to really move on. And it's that very idea of moving on that really scares me. Being the great planner that I am, I of course had a plan of what I would be doing after graduation. However I'm pretty sure that this plan is going to require a little bit of alteration, seeing as how I don't have a a job (anywhere) or someone waiting to propose. So yup, it kind of feels like I'm back at square one...or starting on plan E.
I had never planned on attending grad school. I went to my advisor (who i might have also wanted to marry...but that's another story) and he suggested a masters in accounting. I researched it a little bit and talked with my parents. They were (honestly) thrilled about this idea and since the program was only a year, they fully supported me attending. To be really honest, I only went to talk to my advisor because I didn't have any job prospects but even more importantly, I wasn't anywhere close to being engaged. And (as seriously strange as this may sound) I had always known that I would graduate college and be engaged soon after. Since that obviously wasn't going to happen, I decided I just wouldn't leave college. Enter the idea of grad school. I am truly glad that I ended up in the masters program. I was able to make some great friends and have some "real" college experiences. I also got to be around as other friends got pregnant and had babies. Overall, I had a fantastic 4 years in undergrad and an amazing fifth year to end with (a national championship would have been a nice cherry on top...).
Now I'm back to not having a job or any real direction. Not having a plan is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Graduate school gave me a more specific career path than I had with just my undergrad degree. And I'm really okay with that career path and grateful that everyone around me seems so sure that I'll find a great job soon. But I'm obviously freaked out about not having a job and graduating so soon. And I'm pretty sure that this feeling is only compounded by the fact that I'm no where near engaged. Finding a job is something that I know will happen eventually (even if it takes a month or two longer than everyone thinks it will). It's the whole "finding the one" thing that I am whole lot less confident about. And to be really honest, it's something I want more than finding a great job. (but let's not tell my dad that one) I know that eventually both things will happen...if they are meant too. And this whole "if it's meant to happen" idea is a pretty tough pill to swallow somedays (and that's probably another post too).
So now I'm back to feeling just a little freaked out about all of my life changes. I know that everything will work out exactly how God has planned for it too. And I truly believe that it's in his plans for me to have a good job (finally make use of my degrees) and to be married someday. I know that I'm only 22 (soon-to-be 23) so most people look at me and think I really shouldn't be concerned about never getting married. But hey, I can't help how I feel.
While it may seem like I am dreading graduation, I'm actually kind of excited too...but still terrified, don't get me wrong. I'm excited to find a job and have my own place and be a real "grown-up." And in all the days leading up to company meet & greets and interviews, I have the opportunity to spend some quality time with some pretty cute babies. I also have some serious studying to do and some leisure reading that I'm quite excited about. So yeah I might be really scared but I have faith that I'm not going to be that child with two degrees who still lives in their parent's basement when they are 30...mainly because there is no basement at my parent's house :)
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