Kelly's blog post (which can be found here) really made my day. In fact, I'm pretty sure it made my week. I definitely have it bookmarked and I know that there will be future moments when I need the reminder and I go back to her post. I love how open and honest she is concerning her feelings of singleness. I related to a lot of what she posted about, including the notion that what your suppose to do is go to college and find "the one".  I know I've talked about my feelings about this so I'll just spare you the repeat and move on to another point.
I also really related to the idea of going to a Christian college to "help" the process along. While I did not go to a Christian college, most of my best friends from high school did. I have often wondered how different my life would be if I would have just gone to college with them. While I may have had moments of doubt that I made the wrong choice I'm always brought back to how certain I was in my decision when I graduated from high school. And then I think about all the small (and big) things that have happened to me in the last 5 years and I know that I definitely made the right choice. After all, God doesn't really need me to "help" him along. But I was super glad to see that someone else had such similar thoughts as I did/do.
Kelly also touched on the idea of not hurting your self esteem while in the season of singleness. [season of singleness is a term from lady in waiting] I think this is something that I also relate too but I was never able to really label what I was feeling. Kelly did a great job with that (for me at least). I think that's it is really hard to not feel like your inadequate when you just can't seem to acquire what you truly want. It doesn't help that every single time I check facebook a different someone from high school is either engaged or married. [i will say that i haven't had to go through any of my really good friends getting married. i'm sure that will be rough in its own special way. i should also mention that i tend to hang out with a lot of married people so maybe i'll just avoid this step mostly anyways] But back to the self-esteem issue. I know that I'm only 22 (soon to be 23) so maybe some people think that I'm way too young to even be worried about this but I'm not, trust me! And the fact that this is the one thing that I really, really want, it's super hard to be patient. But more than that, it's hard not to think that the reason I'm not engaged/married already is because of me. And this certainly is not a constant thought of mine, but every once in a while it enters my mind. However normally I just move right along in my thinking with thoughts of how special and unique the "one" for me will be. And that whoever that might be, just isn't quite ready for me yet. I mean I can be quite the challenge at times, so I'm sure my "one" is just preparing for me :)
I also love how Kelly talked about being single and attending church. Somedays I know I really long for a group of single ladies who are all in a similar stage of life as I am yet who all desire and long for similar things like me. I think that it would be easier to be involved if we could, as a group, be involved at church. In my head this group would be so awesome because we would be really open and honest with one another. It would be great to have others to go through this with. But then I start to think that what if all we did was complain and be depressed about the lack of "ones" in our lives. So maybe it's a blessing that I don't have this group currently.
I'm kind of looking forward to enjoying being single (you know maybe for like a month or two). It's not like I just got out of a relationship or anything but I feel like being single and not in college is going to be a completely different experience than being single and in college. So really I guess I'm just excited about this next stage of my life. I think it will be really good for me to come back and read this post in a few months when I'm not so excited about this stage of my life. Or, maybe I'll always be excited about it and that won't be necessary...but I do like to prepare for the worst :)

best blog post ever

http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/2011/08/all-single-ladies.html

seriously...read it...now!!

Pursuing Singleness

I just found this article on another blog. There are a lot of points that the author makes that I definitely want to address. That will probably happen sometime next week...or really anytime after Saturday morning.

Graduation

Just a few pictures from graduation. I'm really happy I graduated...I just wish that it wasn't so hot that day. I was over taking picture in the gown and "sash" after 5 seconds. [and the cap was off before we sang the alma mater]

But it was a great day, I mean what graduation isn't? I love the pictures of downtown so I'm looking forward to taking more pictures there soon. Of course getting a job downtown would make that so very convenient.

Craft Hope

I found this website a few months ago. I always wanted to make the current project but never actually made the time to do so. But when I saw the new project, making stockings for Christmas in Dixie, I knew that this was the project I wanted to participate in. I have a little more free time now and making stockings seem like a fairly basic project. I also have a lot of scrap fabric that I could use on a worthwhile project instead of just some random creation. I also really love the freedom that Craft Hope gives with their projects. I think that working on this project (even if I only make 3 stockings) will be a great use of my free time in these next few weeks. 
I just need to go through my fabric that's all packed up and decide what (if any) additional pieces I need to get. Good thing I'm going fabric shopping with my mom this afternoon :)

(via craft hope project 14)

Pinterest

Pinterest is possibly (or most definitely) the most addictive thing to ever happen in my life. I have quite a few boards so I thought I would share some pins...today I'll pick some of my favorite pins from my "Awesome Art" Board

I'm sure I'll be showing more of my favorites from other boards in the (very near) future!

all images (and more awesome art) can be found here

Ch-Ch-Changes...

      On Saturday August 13, I will graduate with my Master's in Accounting. And honestly, I have never been more terrified of anything (except those few days where graduation was uncertain...). Graduating last May with my undergrad was a pretty anti-climatic experience. I already knew that I would be attending grad school and extending my college experience another year. But now, there's no more school to be had and it's time to really move on. And it's that very idea of moving on that really scares me. Being the great planner that I am, I of course had a plan of what I would be doing after graduation. However I'm pretty sure that this plan is going to require a little bit of alteration, seeing as how I don't have a a job (anywhere) or someone waiting to propose. So yup, it kind of feels like I'm back at square one...or starting on plan E.
     I had never planned on attending grad school. I went to my advisor (who i might have also wanted to marry...but that's another story) and he suggested a masters in accounting. I researched it a little bit and talked with my parents. They were (honestly) thrilled about this idea and since the program was only a year, they fully supported me attending. To be really honest, I only went to talk to my advisor because I didn't have any job prospects but even more importantly, I wasn't anywhere close to being engaged. And (as seriously strange as this may sound) I had always known that I would graduate college and be engaged soon after. Since that obviously wasn't going to happen, I decided I just wouldn't leave college. Enter the idea of grad school. I am truly glad that I ended up in the masters program. I was able to make some great friends and have some "real" college experiences. I also got to be around as other friends got pregnant and had babies. Overall, I had a fantastic 4 years in undergrad and an amazing fifth year to end with (a national championship would have been a nice cherry on top...).
     Now I'm back to not having a job or any real direction. Not having a plan is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Graduate school gave me a more specific career path than I had with just my undergrad degree. And I'm really okay with that career path and grateful that everyone around me seems so sure that I'll find a great job soon. But I'm obviously freaked out about not having a job and graduating so soon. And I'm pretty sure that this feeling is only compounded by the fact that I'm no where near engaged. Finding a job is something that I know will happen eventually (even if it takes a month or two longer than everyone thinks it will). It's the whole "finding the one" thing that I am whole lot less confident about. And to be really honest, it's something I want more than finding a great job. (but let's not tell my dad that one) I know that eventually both things will happen...if they are meant too. And this whole "if it's meant to happen" idea is a pretty tough pill to swallow somedays (and that's probably another post too).
    So now I'm back to feeling just a little freaked out about all of my life changes. I know that everything will work out exactly how God has planned for it too. And I truly believe that it's in his plans for me to have a good job (finally make use of my degrees) and to be married someday. I know that I'm only 22 (soon-to-be 23) so most people look at me and think I really shouldn't be concerned about never getting married. But hey, I can't help how I feel.
    While it may seem like I am dreading graduation, I'm actually kind of excited too...but still terrified, don't get me wrong. I'm excited to find a job and have my own place and be a real "grown-up." And in all the days leading up to company meet & greets and interviews, I have the opportunity to spend some quality time with some pretty cute babies. I also have some serious studying to do and some leisure reading that I'm quite excited about. So yeah I might be really scared but I have faith that I'm not going to be that child with two degrees who still lives in their parent's basement when they are 30...mainly because there is no basement at my parent's house :)

post secret...

in honor of post secret sunday's i thought i'd share a few recent posts that i relate to the most...

[promise they are not all super depressing...really...but i like knowing i'm not alone with this thought]

[honestly i never got anyone kicked out of church camp...but somedays i'm pretty sure i was one sarcastic comment away from being kicked out of the youth group...]

[ever since reading this i'm super nice whenever i buy fabric in hopes that i get extra]

[reading post secret does make me realize how truly lucky and blessed i am]

[legit fear of mine...glad i'm not alone]

[it's the secrets like this one that remind me why i really am so happy with the choices i've made...and why i would tell my 13 year old self that while it's not always easy to be different and take the so-called "uncool" route, I wouldn't change a thing :)]

[unanswered prayers = blessing in disguise]

[my worst fears in the grand scheme of life really are not that bad...must remember this]

[makes me happy...and realize that i'm really not all that strange]

[picture freaks me out but i love the message...and the idea that someone out there is looking for me too]

[i do this all the time...and i have an irrational fear that high school was/will be the best time of my life...]

and i saved the best for last: 

[i don't attend a private university and i'm certainly not graduating cum laude but i will (hopefully...one day) have two degrees and this picture is me...exactly me]

**all of these images are from http://www.postsecret.com/

Scheduled Blog Posts...scheduled life

I had a blog post scheduled to post earlier this afternoon, right about the time I finished my last final ever in college. Now I'm not so sure that it will be my last college exam. In fact the more I think about it, the more upset I get and I'm pretty confident now that I will not be graduating next Saturday. And honestly I don't really know how this happened...and to ME of all people.


I can't believe that I'm sitting here typing this on a Friday night. This might be the most random-y post ever but I need to get this out. I just had a breakdown of the most epic proportion. I'm really not even sure how to explain all of my feelings but I think it's super important that I get them out. I also really need to disclose that I probably have the worlds greatest parents ever. They definitely just talked me through this breakdown and I would still be a hot mess (well a bigger one than I currently am) if it wasn't for them.


The fact that I'm pretty sure that I won't be graduating on Saturday only makes me feel like the biggest failure ever...and you know a huge disappointment too. It also makes me super aware of the fact that now not only am I am not graduating with a job (which would be revoked when I don't graduate so hey maybe that's the blessing here) but I won't actually be graduating at all. I can honestly say that I feel like my grad school experience can be summed up as a year of where I really felt like a failure and like by best effort wasn't nearly good enough. I spent many Thursday and Friday nights studying while it felt like everyone else was going out. I don't understand how some people just seem to have it all. These people who seem to "have it all", I mean I know that they don't and that everyone has problems and no one is perfect or has the perfect life. I guess what I'm trying to say is why do people who engage in "reckless behavior" (because i can't think of a better term...) seem to get rewarded. I mean it's not really all that easy to be the one to say no and the one who it's comfortable with the "reckless behavior." And I'm really not this prude of a person...at least I really really hope I'm not.


And on top of this whole no degree, no job current life situation of mine, I also feel like I'm pretty alone. Part of this really ties into the whole, I kind of have standards part of my life. And I really don't mean that in this judgmental way, because I really do like to have fun. But I'm just not doing certain things, and I guess at the end of the day I'd rather be typing this super depressing blog post and checking twitter obsessively than waking up tomorrow and hating myself. The alone factor also comes from the whole not currently dating anyone and having no prospects. And then I go back to the whole what kind of successful guy is really going to want to date someone who can't graduate. (It's like the never ending version of depression...I'm really going to try to stop mentioning the whole graduation thing.) The whole not dating anyone makes me wonder if I'm ever going to find anyone, cause I was suppose to find this person in college...and I even went a year longer and here we are, nothing. Except I know that it's going to take a really special guy (as if I didn't already know this because I'm a little crazy) because I'm not the kind of girl that's going home with you when the bar closes. And honestly that puts me at a major disadvantage (another grad school lesson I've learned....).


And with this whole alone idea is the idea that I feel really left behind by everyone. And again, this is definitely a feeling that I'm not accustom to at all. I feel like everyone around me is just moving on with life, and in exactly the way they wanted....and i'm just stuck here. And I know that's also a super depressing thought. I'm just on a role with this post.


I've joked quite a bit this year about not even wanting to be an accountant...maybe this is God's way of telling me that I shouldn't be one. But if I start with this whole line of thinking I'll go down the road of trying to justify this...and trying to figure out what God's plan might be. And, let's face it, I'm obviously really stellar at knowing his plan. (now would probably be a good time to mention i'm really quite sarcastic)


I think I just need to publish this post and then take my dad's advice and watch something funny on t.v. and try not to worry about this. Because I have a test on Tuesday that I need to study for...and I can't let this whole graduating thing ruin that too. And that fact is yeah I may feel like the world's biggest failure but the fact that my parents were willing to get in the car right this minute to come and take me home kind of makes the me luckies girl ever. So I'll be okay without that degree because I'm pretty awesome anyways...or at least my parents think so.


(definitely didn't proof this AT ALL so if it's incoherent sorry...but i don't really think anyone reads this so hey this can just be a note to remind myself of the no-editing fact when I'm reading this later...)


(and i really want my header to be centered but i can't make that happen...and i really don't have the time to try and figure out how to make that happen thanks to the above-mentioned exam on tuesday...but trust me that it bothers me WAY more than it could ever bother you...)