a new bible

i think a bit of a back story is necessary for this post..or maybe the back story is the only story...anyways here it is. i've blogged before about how i have this journal that i write in occassionaly and hopefully i'll find the courage to one day give this to the boy. but i'm not super diligent in writing consistently and that makes me a little sad. but i tend to blame it on the fact that i don't have time..which is obviously not true. and even if time was the real issue, it should be a priority for me. on kelly's blog a few days ago she wrote about a couple's testimony that was told at a women's retreat she attended. the couple had a bible for their daughter that they highlighted and wrote messages in and then gave her this bible when she graduated from high school. i immediately knew i wanted to do this. i can't imagine a more special gift. i've already made myself promise that i'll keep journals for each of my children and one day give the journals to them. [and deep down i know that i'll also give the boy his...one day] this past sunday during class at church, we were talking about family. and i may be 2 (or 10) life stages behind pretty much everyone in class but i still enjoy the topic. it makes me excited for the future. we ended class by watching the final scene in the movie courageous. [which if the movie is anything like the final scene i'm pretty sure i couldn't take it...i would just sob the entire time] that speech is great. i really can't put into words how much i want to marry a man who is striving to be the type of husband/father that is depicted. then, during the closing prayer i had an epiphany of sorts. i thought of kelly's post about reading the bible and i thought about how my own bible reading/study isn't what it should be. so i decided to go and buy a bible (and another journal). a bible that i'm going to read from and write in and maybe one day i'll get to give it to the boy. and the journal will be there for when my thoughts are too much to write in the bible. i was so convicted that this was a terrific idea. and then when i was at the christian bookstore that afternoon i suddenly was a little freaked out. like what kind of guy is going to want all of this crazy stuff from me. but then i calmly pushed those thoughts aside. because i know the type of guy that will want this...it's the kind of guy i'm going to marry. it's the kind of guy whose is going to be the type of husband/father that is described at the end of courageous. and so what if i thought i would have found him years ago. i haven't. and maybe it's because i haven't been ready. maybe i'm still not ready. but maybe this will help me get there. and no, i don't think that now that i'm doing this, the boy is going to appear in a week. but this can only help me become the type of woman that that type of man i want to marry deserves. because sometimes i think i'm so focused on the type of person he is, that i forget what type of girl he deserves. and it's someone who is constantly striving to be the kind of woman God desires. and if the boy doesn't come, then it's not like i've been wasting my time & it certainly won't hurt me at all :)