Goals, Lists and Life

So the first week of graduate school is over and I came away with a very intriguing assignment. I'm not sure that my professor expected for this assignment to cause me the problems that it did but oh well. The assignment is to list our one and five year goals. While there are some given goals, I feel like I have two lists of five year goals: those that are appropriate for grad school and then my real goals. My real goal list came somewhat easily to me. Of course there is some overlap between my two lists but not a lot. It was also mentioned that we would discuss our goals in class. I think this might be the part that bothers me the most. I'm not ashamed of my five year goals and those that really know me can totally understand them. I'm just not so sure that a female-dominate graduate level class can fully appreciate where I would like to be in five years. So here are my real five year goals...

*I'd want to be married to a man who is the spiritual leader of our family (and probably at least a few years older than me...but hey who knows)

*I want to have kids (this of course hinges on the marriage factor...and depends on how long I have actually been married)

*I want to have a job I love-if it's possible for me to be home with my kids I really want to be doing that. It's strange to write that because for 18 years I never wanted to stay home with my kids...but after one semester at college I realize that it's actually what I REALLY want...and yes I'm in grad school now...

*I want to be established in the community...a homeowner in a good community with a good school district and a church that I love

*I want to be involved at a church that I love-one that challenges me and makes me think but that also encourages me and provides me with great Christian fellowship

*I want to be a good influence on those around me-especially younger girls from church...I want to be involved in their lives 

*I want to maintain a good relationship with my brother (and his maybe wife?!?)

*I want to have relationships in which I am truly held accountable and can be open. I obviously want to have such a relationship with my would-be husband but I also want/need this with a Christian female friend or two

*I want to be able to look back and see how God has changed me and been active in my life in the past five years. I want to be able to acknowledge and recognize why things happened and see how God was moving daily in my life. 

I could continue but I feel like these goals really encompass what I would like to see in myself in five years. Of course writing out these goals makes me think about how much of my future is based on getting married. It's not explicit from just reading these goals (I hope/think) but it's pretty obvious in my mind. The thing about goals is that most of my past goals have all been things that I can accomplish on my own. I mean it might take some hard work and lots of time but I can get it done. That is certainly not the case with marriage.


 I have a few female friends who are single and this topic has been popular with us recently. One friend, who has a similar church background, said something to me that made me think. We were talking about lists and things we were looking for in guys. I have pretty much determined that I'm much more likely to meet a guy who is compatible with my list at church. Does this freak the crap out of me...of course. My friend then talked about her list but ended it by saying that she is confident that she could meet him anywhere. I'm not saying that I doubt God's ability for me to meet this guy, I'm just taking a realistic approach (and trying to limit my constant thoughts about possibly meeting him)... And now this post is starting to relate a lot to my previous one. I guess the main thing I got from this conversation with my friend is that I'm not looking for this guy in every situation...and to be quite honest I'm okay with that. I know that the type of faith I'm "looking for" in a guy won't just come in someone who has been to church a few times in his life, among other things. 


This is getting kind of hard to explain so I think I'll just go the way of saying that I'm trying really hard not to be judgmental with all of this...and that it does (somewhat) relate to my five year goals because by having the detailed and specific list that I have, it's (I believe) realistic to think that I'll be married and have kid(s) in five years. I really don't see myself dating someone for very long. I mean obviously this is all up to God...but I'm kind of sure that I know what I want. And it's not like I just created this list overnight. It's been an on-going process of mine for over 10 years...and yes that means I started this list in middle school but hey I'm just ahead of the curve. The list is certainly not what it was back then but by the same token all of the really important things have remained. I know that obviously when (if??) I get married is all up to God's plan for me, but I have to admit, it makes these five year goals difficult to write. 

It would obviously be easier if I just knew...would not everything be easier if we just knew...

But I can plan...naturally all of my planning can be in vain but still, I can plan. And while I plan I can work on other goals and reach some goals I was unaware that I even had. More importantly, I can focus on school and my relationship with God. Those are actually the two main areas of all of my one year goals. I want to journal more and focus on my relationship with God. I am kind of floating right now in that area. I am at church and I like it but I miss the fellowship & encouragement that I've associated with church in the past. It's a really weird place to be in and I have some decisions to make. I'm worried that I'll make a decision based purely on where I feel I have the greatest chance to meet a guy. Totally not right but that doesn't make me consider it any less. 


I should probably get back to writing my goals and rereading my assignments but this somehow seemed much more important. I realize that this has been a somewhat random post but it helps me to see it all written out. And hopefully one day I'll be able to look back at this and see how God has been active in my life since this post...